I don't even know why I want to leave this site and remove all of my music from this site. All 600+ songs. Dear lord, it still hurts me to say that. 600+ songs taken down from this site, and not all of them will ever be heard again.
It just feels numb, everything feels numb. I'm not in my right mind and haven't been for a long time, a few years at least. It bothered me listening to the songs I posted because quite a few of them have lyrics where I say things like "I'm not okay! I'm considering suicide! I feel so lonely, my mind is fucked. Why isn't anybody helping me? Why won't therapists and doctors talk to me to get me the help I need! I went to the hospital after a suicide attempt and still no one helped!"
Looking back, the reason why I sought fame and why I posted songs on here in the first place was probably because I sub-consciously always knew that I needed help of some kind, and if I posted enough cries for help maybe eventually someone would respond and give me the help that I needed.
But, for some reason, I want to leave the songs 'Still Having Nightmares' and 'Beautiful Suicide' on this site for a while longer.
Anyways, now I'm going to bed. I know that some people will read this, and I wonder if anyone will post a comment. Or perhaps they won't because they're sick of the posts I've made where I talk about removing my songs from the site and posting them somewhere else. Honestly, I don't think I'll do that anymore. I'll probably even take down my stuff from Youtube as well. I'll just horde all of my songs on a flash drive somewhere and only listen to them when I want to remember the past.
I recorded Beautiful Suicide after my suicide attempt, when I was feeling low. I looked at a picture of a suicide and I thought "I attempted suicide, I can totally relate."