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Gerry Weir @ti-on-suxandrox

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Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - April 19th, 2019


I was at home and I started crying uncontrollably. I started recording myself towards the end of my breakdown because I wanted to see how it looks when I cry. I'm not okay, I need help, I need support and I'm just not getting it. Going out on a limb here, but, could I get some love from some of the nice people on Newgrounds, please? Just... I don't know...

I wrote a journal as a way of exorcising my demons. This was the first entry I wrote:

I remember spending two weeks in Yelapa. When I returned home I found myself at the tail end of a terrible situation.

I remember entering the house and being shown the numerous empty baggies that used to contain cocaine in my sister’s bedroom hidden behind her dresser. Seeing the massive pile of 60 empty baggies was absolutely heartbreaking. I remember my step-mom asked me and my dad to taste the trace amount of cocaine.

We drove to a drug rehabilitation clinic to pick up my sister and bring her home. I remember picking up her beloved stuffed bear, Cuddles, so that I could give it to her when I saw her.

I don’t remember much about the clinic because I was so overwhelmed with information. My step-mom had deliberately made sure that I didn’t know what was going on while I was in Mexico so that I could enjoy my little vacation. Once I got back I had to process about a week’s worth of drama.

I remember my sister constantly shouting “I’m not on fucking drugs,” with tears in her eyes.

As we drove home I remember looking at my sister and seeing a look on her face that reminded me of my mother. Seeing what looked like my mom’s face caused me to have a mental breakdown, but I tried my best not to let anyone know that I was freaking out.

Once we were close enough to the house that I could walk I asked my dad to stop the truck and let me walk home. He did, and as I walked home my mental breakdown got worse and worse. All that I could think about was my mother.

Then, I remembered the rape.

What triggered me was that, somehow, my sister’s face reminded me of when I was raped in a trailer park. I remembered being dropped off at the trailer park by my mom so that they could babysit me, along with a number of other kids. The other kids might have been raped too, and that sickens me.

I remembered being woken up during naptime and being taken to another room. I remembered being asked to undress, and I remembered being abused. My memory is still very hazy about what exactly happened that day.

One thought was playing in my mind over and over again as I had my mental breakdown. “She knew.”

Maybe the reason why I harbored so much resentment for my mother is because ever since that day I believed that she might have known about what had happened to me. It’s been something that I was thinking about ever since the event happened.

“Did she know? Did she set it up?”

However, I don’t think that my mother knew about the rape. As much as I know that she’s capable of doing bad things, I firmly believe that she loves me and that she would never have allowed her little son to be raped if she had suspected that he might be raped.

But then again, my mother used to abandon me at the day-care in the casino regularly, which hurt me a lot. At first, I would think “oh goodie! I get to play with the Playstation!” But, when the novelty of playing Crash Bandicoot wore off, I would think “where is my mom? Why did she leave me here? I’ve been here for hours, what is she doing?”

“Does she not love me? Does she not want to be with me?”

To this day I know that my mother’s addiction to gambling is stronger than the love she feels for her children. This knowledge has helped me understand her a lot better than I did when I was young.

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - June 23rd, 2018

I love horror films, I love slow-paced dramas, so theoretically I should have liked Hereditary. Critics were praising it, calling it “The scariest movie of the year,” and “worthy of an Oscar,” so I decided to check it out.
I was not prepared to laugh out loud with the rest of the people in the theatre.

I’m not kidding here, watching Hereditary on Friday night in a packed theatre was like being on MST3K. All of us strangers bonded as we mocked the movie relentlessly, and we left the theatre chanting “Hail Paemon! Hail Paemon!”
It’s not that we didn’t get the ending and needed it explained, and it wasn’t that the movie was too slow-paced. We understood the film perfectly, and we realized how dumb it was and called it out on its stupidity, numerous times.

The main issue is the pauses in the film. Part of the reason we started mocking the film is that something weird or stupid would happen, then the film would pause for a while. Obviously the film makers wanted us to be like “Oh my God! That was so horrible/sad! I can’t wait to see what will happen next!” But, we were like “I totally called it! The chocolate cake had nuts in it and the girl would die in a car accident before they got to the hospital!”

The other issue is the clunky dialogue. I’m fine with tell-don’t-show sometimes, in fact I enjoy it a lot when it’s done right. This film doesn’t do that very well at all. It felt as though the movie cut out every moment of levity, and everything that didn’t give the actors a chance to ‘emote’ in some way or was relevant to the plot was removed. The problem is that everything the actors mention ends up being important to the plot, which makes it very predictable.

For instance, early in the film it is mentioned that the dead grandmother was involved in a weird cult, the daughter is allergic to nuts, and the mother sleepwalks. All of those things are important to the plot, and if you watch the movie you can easily predict how these things are important and will be brought up later.

The acting is pretty good in the film, except for the character of Annie and the boy (I forget his name). The father, the little girl, an old lady and pretty much every background character is a competent actor. The problem is that as the film continues the girl dies, the dad becomes a side-character, and the other actors vanish for many scenes. Around what felt like halfway through the film it seemed as though the focus of the film entirely shifted towards giving solo scenes to Annie and the boy, as well as giving them opportunities to overact.

Honestly, seeing Annie shriek and cry at the events unfolding in the film is like watching William Shatner in the old Star Trek series. Annie is given ample opportunity to shriek, scream and cry as she mourns for her daughter throughout the film. Her character is able to take a complete break from life in order to have as much time to herself as possible. She has no friends, she doesn’t interact with anyone when she works, and her family gives her as much space as she needs. Honestly, it reminds me of those films like The Last Descent with long stretches of a character talking to himself/herself while trapped and waiting to die. Even with the strongest actor it’s tough to get someone to spend an hour, or even 20 minutes straight, watching an actor talking to themselves. The boy isn’t much better, but at least his scenes are usually short, and at least he provides a small amount of levity within the film, even if it isn’t handled well.

The sound design is hilarious. The issue with bad sound design is usually that the guy in charge of the sound for a film only had a small amount of sounds to work with, and the sounds usually sound hilarious because they simply sound “off” when you hear them in the scene. This is especially hilarious when the sounds are also way too loud. Honestly, this film has some of the loudest sound effects I’ve ever heard, and the constant swells (you’ll know what I’m talking about if you see the film) are absolutely hilarious to listen to.

The ending is very dumb, and isn’t handled well at all. What happens is that the predominately slow-pace of the film speeds up considerably, resulting in essentially a number of weird set-pieces to elevate the tension. Then, the film goes completely off the rails in an explosion of stupidity as bunch of naked satanists and a floating headless corpse complete a satanic ritual.

See, the problem with the ending is that you can’t take it seriously on any level. Even if the movie had built the tension perfectly, once the naked satanists, the possessed mother crawling on the wall, and the floating headless corpse appears the movie instantly feels like a comedy and you can’t help but laugh. The fact that the movie tries to play it safe, and tries to wrap everything up neatly with a monologue by one of the naked satanists, makes it even more hilarious.

I honestly think that the critics who are praising this film must have watched a different movie than me. What I saw, and what apparently everyone in the theatre saw, was a poorly made horror movie with hilarious acting and a hilariously stupid plot, that I could not take seriously on any level. What critics apparently saw is a complex artsy and tense horror film with phenomenal acting.

I don’t understand critics sometimes.

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - May 20th, 2018

Okay, well, apparently the person who contacted me and asked me to write a depressing song for her about suicide for a cartoon she was working on didn't actually want the song for a cartoon. As far as I've been told, she actually wanted it to listen to while she committed suicide. Apparently she contacted me because she knew I could make a suicide song quickly and have it uploaded quickly as well. I don't know if she actually did commit suicide, or even if she was telling the truth, but it's definitely shaken me up a bit. What kind of person wants a stranger online to write them a custom suicide song?

The second thing that makes me a bit frightened is that I was woken up from a nap after work by rocks being thrown at my window. I collected the rocks that fell into the storm drain (or whatever it is) as a bit of a reminder that it happened. When I entered my apartment building earlier there were cops outside and a screaming woman, so I assume there was some kind of weird event that happened which I had missed. I know nothing about the situation, but I suspect that the woman waited until the cops were gone, then came back and started tossing rocks at the building for some reason. There have been a number of times during the past week where my neighbours have been fighting, and I noticed a few rocks caught underneath my neighbour's window. So I guess that the person was trying to hit my neighbour's window and kept on hitting mine because of bad aim. The woman is clearly unstable, and I'm honestly a bit scared to be around my apartment when whatever is going on is going on. It's a terrible thing not to feel safe in your own home, and to be too shaken up to take a rest after a long night at work.

Anyways, I'm much too shaken up to record and upload any music at the moment. So, I'm thinking I'll take a week or so off from making music and perhaps focus on something else for a while.


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - April 2nd, 2018

Fucking hell, this is going to be a bit angrier than my last post venting about terrible situation at my job because the girl I mentioned in my previous post woke me up at 2 in the morning with a phone call while I was having a good nights sleep. Do you know how often I, as a graveyard shift worker, get the pleasure of a good night’s sleep followed by a day off to do whatever I want? Not nearly often enough, so to have that spoiled for me is something that really makes me mad.


It gets worse though, I started working up front recently instead of in the kitchen. So, I did all the front stuff that I had to do (cleaning, stocking up, taking orders) while the kitchen staff worker was supposed to be doing all the kitchen stuff. I was patient with the guy, I was patient with him when he was slow and I had to deal with angry customers, I was patient with him when I saw that when I was finished cleaning the front nothing was done in the kitchen. I just assumed that the things would get done eventually. It was slow, so if everything wasn’t done by 4:30-5, it wasn’t that big a deal, and the guy was working until 8, so he had until 8 to get everything done before the morning staff came in for their shift.


Fucking hell, I was incredibly patient with the guy, but when I looked into the kitchen at 7am and the only thing that was done was that the grill was cleaned (no fucking product cooked, nothing stocked up, the fry holder not cleaned, floor not swept or mopped) I kind of lost my shit. Of course, rather than yell at the guy (which I find does more harm than good), I just started doing everything quickly (in addition to taking orders) and because I was rushing I did everything in about 40 minutes. I basically did this fucking guy’s job for him before one of the managers came in for his shift.


To make matters worse, the fucking guy had the nerve to constantly criticize the way I was working (because I was taking a shit ton of shortcuts and moving so fast to get everything done in time) and acted like a general dick as I was working. I was pissed and, when the manager came in I actually told her what had happened rather than just lie and say that everything went fine.


Honestly, I think that people in the graveyard shift take for granted how much I cover for them when they screw up, both by not telling the managers, doing work that has been forgotten about, and fixing mistakes. What’s my reward for doing this shit for people? Getting tattled on when I do screw up (it happens to everyone, but at least I try to fix my mistake), working with people no one else wants to work with and fucking dealing with literal harassment on the rare occasions when I do have enough of dealing with shit and complaining to someone. I do all of this for fucking minimum wage, and it’s definitely not worth it. I sacrifice every fucking night of my life for this job and these people. I don’t go to the bar with my friends, or go to concerts and I deal with a ton of stress on a nightly basis and nobody fucking appreciates it. Fucking hell.


Anyways, what really set me off and inspired this fucking post is that the employee I worked with and the girl I complained about in my previous post both started sending me a series of harassing and threatening messages on Facebook about how I complained to the manager about that terrible shift. Honestly, if they worked any other job at any other place they would be fired for pulling shit like this, but they’re not, and they take that for granted and probably think that the reason they aren’t being fired is that they are employees who are too valuable, smart and hard-working to lose.


Fucking hell, sometimes I just hate my life and wish I were dead so I don’t have to deal with shit like this.


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - March 23rd, 2018

Here’s me venting about my job to strangers online because I’m pissed off about pretty much every aspect of my job, especially about a situation that’s been going on behind my back for the past few weeks which has ended up with two of the managers quitting (or being fired, I don’t know which).


First, a little background, I work the graveyard shift at a fast food restaurant at a university. This means that the employees we hire are mostly university students, foreign students, and immigrants. As a white Canadian, I’m actually in the minority in both this area, and at the restaurant, which feels weird at times.


Anyways, in the graveyard shift there are no supervisors, or shift managers, everyone who works on the shift is just classified as a regular employee and only distinguished by whether they work in the front as a cashier, or in the back as a cook. There are no real assigned duties that anyone has to do, no list of tasks to accomplish, just the unspoken rule that whoever works in the kitchen has to have everything in the kitchen cleaned before the morning staff get there, and that the cashier has to do the same thing for the front of the store.


The problem is that since there are no assigned managers or supervisors, the university students who we hire to do the shift start to believe themselves to be ‘the boss’ during the shift, and they prove their superiority over other employees who are equally as qualified by either showcasing how much better they are at doing their job than other employees, or by simply dominating other employees with their stronger personalities. Or, perhaps, by simply believing themselves to be better than the other employees at the restaurant and labelling everyone else as idiots.


This leads to horrible morale problems amongst employees as they either feel unappreciated because they feel as though no matter how hard they work the morning staff will never thank them for their work and the dominant employees will never show ‘weakness’ by acknowledging that an employee has done a good job. This is the main reason why we have such a large turnover of employees at the restaurant, as well as the fact that no one really wants to work a graveyard shift.


Anyways, the situation that has been going on at the restaurant without me knowing happened one night when a new manager that the restaurant hired was working a graveyard shift with me. I had finished all of my tasks in the kitchen, and because the manager was working on something on the computer and no one was cleaning the front, I decided to sweep and mop the kitchen so that it would be clean when customers showed up.


That turned out to be a massive mistake as the dominant employees who didn’t like that there was now a person with the label of ‘manager’ working a few graveyard shifts saw this as an opportunity to get him fired. What happened next was that the dominant employee reported the manager to the area manager, saying that he had violated my human rights by asking me to sweep and mop the floor, which was simply not true. When the area manager didn’t fire the manager after the dominant employee’s complaint, she just kept on searching for people with more power within the company to complain to.


I should point out that the reason why the dominant employee was mad at the manager was because at one point he had written what he called a memo which stated that she needed to be ‘counselled’ because she would often work shifts wearing regular clothes instead of her uniform. I remember her throwing a massive tantrum that lasted for the entire 8-hour shift when she read the ‘memo’.


This got ridiculous and although I don’t know the entirety of what happened, what the employee told me about what she had done was enough to convince me that the situation was horrible. At one point there was a text conversation between them where the manager asked her to stop doing what she was doing, clarified what had actually happened on that night, and then called her a “dumbass” for continuing this stupid crusade against him.


In the end, the manager either quit because he was tired of dealing with shit like this from the dominant employee(s) on a daily basis, or was fired because the employee simply wouldn’t stop bringing up the incident to various people within the company, and it saddens me that because the girl ‘won’ this battle she feels as though she’s been vindicated and that all her beliefs on the matter are correct, when in reality she just made things more difficult for every other employee at the restaurant because she embarrassed all of us and the people managing the restaurant left to get away from her.

What depresses me the most is that I have to work with this girl every shift because she pissed off every other graveyard employee and I'm the only one who will work with her.

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - March 21st, 2018

Once upon a time in the 1960s there was a man named Tiny TIm who was in love with the classic tinpan alley tunes that his generation didn't particularly care for, partly because tinpan alley songs were popular in a decade before they were born and rock music was taking over the airways. Tiny Tim ended up making a career out of singing these old tinpan alley songs, and also singing pretty much any current day song that he believed was popular with modern day audiences.

There was only one problem, Tiny Tim had a good singing voice, but a very limited range. He couldn't sing the classic songs he loved or the modern day songs without adopting a silly falsetto voice.

Funnily enough, when he started singing using the hilarious falsetto voice he started to get popular, but he only achieved popularity as a novelty act with a goofy voice, and it was clear that although he was making a lot of money entertaining people with his voice, what he truly desired was to be respected for making serious music.

So, his covers of popular songs because more extravangant and he started singing with his natural low pitched voice. But, did anyone care? Not really, and he realized that pretty quickly and went back to doing what people wanted him to do, singing weird falsetto versions of songs. If he had continued on the path of making serious music, he would have been seen as being a much bigger joke than when he was doing his novelty act.

Enter Seth Macfarlane, a guy who created a comedic show called Family Guy which became massively popular in the same manner as Tiny Tim, but with the exception of Seth now apparently wanting everybody to take his show seriously. Seth and his creative team created the horrible Brian And Stewie bottle episode, the awful Life Of Brian thing, the increasingly try-hard musical episodes, and now the terrible Send In Stewie Please bottle episode.

What Seth doesn't seem to understand is that the edgelord animation phase came and went, and nowadays a bottle episode where Stewie discusses his sexuality and confesses to pushing a child down some stairs isn't shocking, it won't be taken seriously by anyone except the most sheltered animation fan, and most importantly, it will be mocked and criticized relentlessly regardless of quality. The more the episode gets bullt-up (LIMITED COMMERCIALS, A SHOCKING TWIST, STEWIE REVEALS HIS SEXUALITY AND YOU GET TO HEAR HIS TRUE VOICE!! THiS WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING!!) the more of a joke it becomes.

Honestly, if Seth wants this cartoon to be taken seriously, he needs to have the revelation that Tiny Tim had. Taking yourself too seriously can often turn you into a bigger joke. Sometimes it's best to simply step back, take a look at your body of work from an outsiders perspective, understand what works and what doesn't work, and simply focus on doing things that work and that your audience enjoys.

Of course, Family Guy will probably never be seen as anything other than an unfunny joke these days, because with an episode like this it feels like they watched one of the depressing ATHF episodes (Freda, Carl, Party All The Time), and didn't realize that the audience was actually meant to laugh at the characters pain, not relate to it or offer the writing team an Emmy award for making a depressing episode.

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - February 28th, 2018

I counted the amount of audio posts I've made this year, and the number kind of surprised me becaue right now it's around 70 songs since January. I've been quite sad and quite stressed lately, and when I get sad, stressed and lonely I tend to pour as much effort as possible into expressing myself. Normally I spread myself out between videos, pictures and music, but lately all of my time has been going into music.

I thought I'd talk about a couple recent milestones I've reachec so far in my little hobby of writing songs. I haven't exactly reached any level of true fame, or gained a real fanbase, so these little accomplishments kind of help me feel better about spending so much time doing what I love.

-Tom Fulp is a fan of mine and favourited m song 'Beautiful Suicide' - When I saw this I was extremely happy. I thought it was some kind of weird dream at first. I never thought that Tom Fulp, the creator of this site would ever show his appreciation for any of my songs.

-Headhunter reached 2000 listens and more than a hundred downloads - I love how occasionally I'll make a song that finds some kind of success, whether it be the unexpected success of Spongebob Mask, Vore, Little Dragon (a song I posted on Youtube before I started posting here regularly), or Incest Story. What was cool about Headhunter is that although those songs gained some popularity long after I posted them, Headhunter gained popularity almost instantly and I was given the rare pleasure of being able to check in every hour or so and see the listens and downloads climb. Seeing it on the bottom of the screen while posting a different audio track was a nice little experience for me.

Anyways, yeah, a big thanks to Newgrounds for letting me host my content and I hope to continue to posting more audio stuff.

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - November 16th, 2017

I'm seriously thinking about writing songs again. After my dismal last few efforts at songwriting (as seen on this site) I've decided to try something different. I think that my next song(s) will be under a different name. Instead of Xoxero, I'm thinking of starting a project called Bunny And Cat Porn (BACP) and releasing music under that name. I've always enjoyed Japanoise music, but I've never really experimented much in the genre, so I might just attempt something along those lines. I'm thinking melodic and sparse folk music mixed with ambient noise and sabotaged by harsh electronic noise and feedback. 

Also, no more high notes for me. The people who follow me have probably noticed that while my lower range is stronger than it ever has been, the higher end of my vocal range has been deteriorating greatly the past few months and I've been in denial over it.

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - September 6th, 2017

Spare a thought for the state of Undertale's critical reception and the legacy it will probably leave. It was praised to an extent that no other game had been praised before or since for it's supposed innovative gameplay and story, and was even given to The Pope in a move that seems incredibly silly (seriously, that was a move I expected to see in a cartoon). Some days I look at the Undertale praise-machine, the fans and the haters and I realize something. It almost seems like watching this is like watching one of those episodes of cartoons where people get obsessed over a movie, a game or a toy and the hype and hate reach absurd levels.

I'm mostly reminded of a game from my childhood, Myst, which was at the time the best-selling pc game of all time and praised to incredible levels because of it's innovative gameplay which consists of nothing more than walking around a 'beautiful' island and solving puzzles. There was a lot of praise for that game, and a lot of hate, but no one really talks about it anymore. I was reminded of it when The Witness came out with similar gameplay, story and environments and a similar, albeit shorter-lived and less extreme hype machine.

Undertale is like Myst in the sense that it won't age well because it's a very ugly game, even the people praising the game have mentioned it's ugly graphics. It's also a very shallow game once you get past the superficial depth, which is also like Myst. Remember how people praised the complex puzzles of Myst and the fact that you don't need to engage in combat at all? Remember how people praised how emotional the story in Myst was? Remember how people praised the gameplay of walking around and not killing enemies? Sound familiar?

The thing is, Myst was never a bad game and still isn't a bad game, despite what people claim. Undertale isn't a bad game either, despite what a number of people claim and will continue to claim years later as they argue with people who claim that it isn't as great as people believe it to be.

The problem is that both games are mediocre, which essentially means average compared to other games in the genre. The other problem is that most people won't play other games in the genre, they won't play other adventure games like Day Of The Tentacle, Discworld, or the Monkey Island games, so if they only play Myst and it becomes their only point of entry in the adventure game genre, they're going to praise it to high-heaven without realizing that there are much better adventure games out there. Similarily, for Undertale I suspect that many people who praise it as one of the best RPGs ever made have never played the majority of games released in the genre at the time of release that continued to be made that equal, and even surpass in some cases, Undertale is basically every aspect, from story to gameplay and especially graphics.

The reason for the bad critical standing of Myst is that eventually, through strong word of mouth rather than incessant hype, the better adventure games gained wider exposure and greater critical praise, while Myst was quietly forgotten. I believe that the same thing will happen to Undertale.

That said, I also believe that Undertale will go on to be remembered as one of the best games to gain popularity in the last three years, because it hasn't been a very good time for gamers (especially indie gamers) for the past couple of years. The shit has consistently risen to the top, the AAA games have gotten lazier and more cynical, and the good games are becoming harder and harder to find amongst the shit. It's no wonder why people who love good games have grown so attached to Undertale.

Also, it should be noted that part of the reason why I've grown to dislike the Undertale fandom is because they praise the dog ending as incredibly original and funny. When I point out that SIlent Hill 2 (one of my favourite games) did the same thing befre Undertale and arguably did it better, the fans screech at me that I'm wrong. Congrats! The RPG game that pointed out how it's better to be nice to people and make friends with even the hostile people trying to hurt you in some way has made you into a dick! Well done Undertale!

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - August 14th, 2017

I don’t like Rick and Morty season three.


I remember when I first discovered Rick and Morty. I watched the episodes online and I loved them the way that I love a lot of Adult Swim shows (or at least, 25% of Adult Swim shows, they’re a bit hit-and-miss). I binge-watched season one, I binge-watched season two and I loved every minute of it.


Or did I?


If I were a professional reviewer/critic/summarizer, I would rate every cartoon I watched by approximately how much of every episode I found myself enjoying. For approximately every percentage that I didn’t like for whatever reason (a joke that fell flat, a little soapbox moment that someone shoehorned in, a ‘sad’ moment that didn’t feel sad, a moment that fills time and nothing else, etc.) I would remove a percentage from my overall score. If I didn’t enjoy about 35% of an episode, I would give the episode a score of 65%. On that note, I probably would give most modern games that I’ve played extremely low scores if I rated them the same way.


What I’m basically saying is that Rick and Morty in the first season would have averaged a score of about 70% per episode, and season two would have averaged about 75%-80%. The scores would be definitely higher than most cartoons, but that basically means that there are things that I don’t like about the episodes and the series as a whole.


The biggest issue that I have with Rick and Morty is the meta-humor in the show. The problem with meta-humor that isn’t always talked about is how dependent it is on how the audience is experiencing a work of art. For instance, the Psycho Mantis bit in Metal Gear Solid is based on a player playing the game with a Playstation memory card and a Playstation controller with a working rumble function, the problem is that most players these days are playing the game on their PC, so the meta-humor not only falls flat, but it breaks the immersion. Similarly, in Rick and Morty a good portion of the meta-humor falls flat because the jokes are related to watching the episodes on television with commercial breaks in between segments, when most people stream the episodes online without commercial breaks. Nothing breaks my immersion quicker than Rick announcing “we’ll be back after these messages!” and then no commercials appear. This isn’t a problem exclusive to Rick and Morty (there’s an episode of South Park entirely built on these ‘cut-to-commercial’ meta-jokes), but it is a problem that modern-day cartoons sometimes seem frustratingly oblivious to.


The other issue that I have with Rick and Morty is the character of Rick Sanchez. In Sealab 2021 a number of characters were nihilistic, childish, incredibly intelligent and self-serving. One of the jokes in the series has a character talking about the history of lead piping and why PB is lead on the periodic table of the elements.  Most episodes would have these characters die before the end of the episodes because they got on the nerves of other characters with their intelligence, their selfishness, and/or their destructive tendencies. Rick Sanchez seems like the kind of character who would have fit right in with the crew on the show, and would have been killed just as frequently.


At first I enjoyed the novelty of Rick’s character, an old man who goes on wacky adventures with his grandson, gets into fights and repeatedly insults people with his witty remarks. The problem I have is the same problem I have with Family Guy; at some point it started taking itself more seriously and started tackling heavier subject matter (like the straight-faced suicide attempt, and the existential crisis stuff). The genie won’t go back in the bottle, once you dedicate entire episodes to showcase how depressed Rick is and how close he is to committing suicide, you can’t have the next episode carry on as if nothing had happened. Also, as Seth Macfarlane continually fails to realize, once you have created an entirely serious episode where you deliver a serious message in a serious way, you can no longer hide behind the “It’s just a cartoon! You shouldn’t take it seriously!” You also can’t use that argument that you shouldn’t take a cartoon seriously when that cartoon is financing your entire life and providing numerous people with careers, which is why flash cartoons made by guys in their basements and posted for free viewing online aren’t under as much scrutiny.


I got off-track there, and I already know that someone is preparing an argument to prove that my opinion is wrong. I figure at this point I might as well explain why I don’t like season three specifically rather than why I don’t like the series as a whole. I do like the series, I just think that it could be better because there are aspects of it that I don’t like.


The moment that turned me off season three occurred in the very first episode when Rick escaped from prison. The only reason why he escaped is because the aliens hooked him up to a virtual reality program to interrogate him, because he is apparently the smartest man in the entire galaxy. I refuse to believe that Rick is the smartest man in the galaxy, and I refuse to believe that the aliens would go through the trouble of using a virtual reality machine to interrogate him when other methods would be much more effective.  In Star Trek: The Next generation, Picard was tortured and lasted for a very long time without breaking. The crucial moment in the episode occurred when Picard had lost all hope and was about to break, then he was rescued just before he was completely broken. This was the moment when I truly fell in love with Patrick Stewart’s character because it was the moment where he ceased to be a mary-sue character (tragic past, improbable set of skills, occasional moments where he breaks down, cries and attempts suicide only to be perfectly fine a few minutes later) and transformed into a completely human character. Rick being in prison and interrogated could have provided a similar moment, but it went in entirely the opposite direction and for the first time in the series I developed a dislike of Rick’s character that I still feel. I don’t want to watch Rick-centric episodes anymore because I no longer like the arrogant jack-ass mary-sue that Rick is and has always been but started to piss me off after the first episode of season three.


So, of course, Rick not only escaped the prison, but he brought down the entire federation, freed everyone from servitude, and brought down the council of Ricks. Fucking hell, this reminds me of when Dr. Strange defeated The Beyonders after they literally killed every cosmic entity and every remotely powerful character in the Marvel universe, or when Superman absorbed the rays of the sun for thousands of years and became a godlike being who solved every problem in the universe. As both men and women will be willing to tell you, at some point you should be ashamed at exposing your enormous penis and/or enormous breasts. Ideally, the point where you should be ashamed at exposing your enormous penis is when the damn thing is 50 feet long and therefore way too big to have sex or go to the bathroom without employing a team of helpers. Oftentimes, a workable 12-inch penis is more useful and impactful than a 50-foot penis.


The next episode essentially featured a rehash of the same ‘robot-develops-human-feelings-and-questions-his-existence’ joke that was used just enough times in other episodes to make it unnecessary and a little dull when it was used this time. The joke was also pretty drawn-out, which made it even less enjoyable. Also, for the first time watching Rick and Morty, I watched an entire episode without laughing once. I didn’t hate the episode, I just found it incredibly boring.


The third episode featured Rick turning himself into a pickle. If I was pissed off at Rick before for being an irritating mary-sue, you can bet I was pissed off when I saw this episode. The poop-eating-therapist also felt very forced, and very unfunny. Really, did they need to have the family go to a therapist who helps people who eat poop? Why couldn’t they have just gone to a normal therapist? Why did even the act of going to therapy have to have a joke stapled onto it? Forced joviality is one of my biggest pet peeves in any form of entertainment, and the poop therapist and ‘Piiiiicccckkkkkllleee RIIIIIIIICCCKKK” was one of the worst cases of it that I have ever seen. I hated the Pickle Rick episode, and so far it’s the only episode of the show that I can say that about.


I hope that season three gets better and that I can love the series again, but if episode five doesn’t change my mind about the series going downhill, then I’ll probably stop watching the show.