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Gerry Weir @ti-on-suxandrox

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ti-on-suxandrox's News

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - 8 days ago


I don't even know why I want to leave this site and remove all of my music from this site. All 600+ songs. Dear lord, it still hurts me to say that. 600+ songs taken down from this site, and not all of them will ever be heard again.


It just feels numb, everything feels numb. I'm not in my right mind and haven't been for a long time, a few years at least. It bothered me listening to the songs I posted because quite a few of them have lyrics where I say things like "I'm not okay! I'm considering suicide! I feel so lonely, my mind is fucked. Why isn't anybody helping me? Why won't therapists and doctors talk to me to get me the help I need! I went to the hospital after a suicide attempt and still no one helped!"


Looking back, the reason why I sought fame and why I posted songs on here in the first place was probably because I sub-consciously always knew that I needed help of some kind, and if I posted enough cries for help maybe eventually someone would respond and give me the help that I needed.


But, for some reason, I want to leave the songs 'Still Having Nightmares' and 'Beautiful Suicide' on this site for a while longer.


Anyways, now I'm going to bed. I know that some people will read this, and I wonder if anyone will post a comment. Or perhaps they won't because they're sick of the posts I've made where I talk about removing my songs from the site and posting them somewhere else. Honestly, I don't think I'll do that anymore. I'll probably even take down my stuff from Youtube as well. I'll just horde all of my songs on a flash drive somewhere and only listen to them when I want to remember the past.


I recorded Beautiful Suicide after my suicide attempt, when I was feeling low. I looked at a picture of a suicide and I thought "I attempted suicide, I can totally relate."


1

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - 3 weeks ago


As I remove my songs from this site and prepare to fully migrate to Youtube, I find myself reflecting on my time on this site. For the most part, it hasn't really been that rewarding. I just never felt like I belonged in this site, or more accurately, I never felt as though there was a community that I could ever really belong to.


I guess what kept me going on this site is seeing the success that other audio users, like Waterflame, had on this site. The carrot dangling in front of me was that I felt as though if I was a bit better, if I worked a bit harder, maybe I could appear on the front page, maybe the well-known audio people on this site might notice me, maybe I'll actually start feeling a bit fulfilled with my work.


Well, perhaps if I focused more on electronic music created using FruityLoops or ProTools after watching a 'How-To Make Great Dance Music' video on Youtube I would have been more successful. But, realistically, my influences have always been stuff like Throbbing Gristle, Merzbow and other similar groups. Weird experimental guys making weird songs for weirdos like me. That stuff was never going to be well-liked here.


But, as I've discovered, there are people searching for exactly that kind of weird music on Youtube. As long as I label it so that they can find it, those people will go to my channel, listen to my music, then give me the likes, views and comments they think that I deserve.


I'm just so tired of being on this site and feeling as though I have so little to show for the years that I've been here. I guess at this point after posting here regularly for a little more than 4 years I'd have something to show for it. Maybe I would have a reputation of some kind, maybe I'd have been featured on the front page more than once, maybe someone would tell me "Wow, you just published your 500th song on this site. That's quite an achievement, keep it up!"


It sounds so selfish of me to claim that I want something, anything, to motivate me to stay on this site. It also sounds childish for me to say "You didn't play with me enough, so now I'm taking my ball and going somewhere else!" Believe me, I feel so bad about leaving. It's so hard for me to take my songs off this site that I've been on for so long. But, at this point, I'm starting to suspect that my attachment to this site might be rooted in something like Stockholm Syndrome.


You know what I would love? I'd really like it if, when my final song is off the site, someone messages me and tells me "Goodbye, thanks for being on this site for as long as you have. Thanks for posting your songs for me to listen to. I hope you find whatever it is you're seeking on another site."


But, this entire post is probably being made by the part of me that is mentally ill. The other part of me feels as though he genuinely doesn't fully trust the site to continue to host all of his songs. At least three of them have already been removed from this site without my consent or acknowledgement. Perhaps Youtube or Soundcloud would do a better job hosting them.


But, yeah, this migration is taking a lot out of me. It would probably take a lot more out of me if I took it a bit more seriously instead of doing it at such a casual pace.


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - 1 month ago


Okay, so, lately I've been feeling as though Newgrounds isn't the most secure site in the world to house all of my songs. I feel as though I'm leaving hundreds of my valued creations on a website that might be gone in a couple of years. When this site goes down, which seems like it might be a real possibility, I don't want all of my songs to go with it.


Not to say that all of my songs are worth saving, a good case could be made that more than a few of them are embarrassing and should be erased. But, I want to decide what lives and what dies, I don't want to be a passive person waiting for an end that might or might not happen.


If you want to give any of my music a listen before it migrate to Youtube, go right ahead. Thanks for the support, and I hope that everyone who remains on this site is successful. I just don't want my music to be on here anymore, even though I think that everyone on this site is great.


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - June 15th, 2019


Okay, so, I've been watching Netflix a bit lately and a show that was recommended which seemed to have a number of positive reviews was Tuca And Bertie.


It was created by some people with a connection to Bojack Horseman. Now, I've never liked Bojack Horseman. I find it boring, predictable, depressing (but not in an interesting way), overrated and not at all funny when it tries to be. But, I thought that maybe I could potentially get into Tuca And Bertie. It seemed like a happier show, which already placed it above Bojack Horseman.


The problem is that Tuca And Bertie is a deeply uncomfortable show to watch, to the point where I legitimately felt an icky feeling while I was watching it. I can't place my finger on why.


I feel as though lately the quality of the average animated show has been on a sharp decline, which disturbs me because we're in a year where there are more reviews for animated shows than ever before, and those reviews are heaping praise upon crap like Tuca And Bertie.


It disturbs me greatly as a fan of animated shows to see Young Justice Season 3 get heavily praised when it is easily the worst season of the show thus far. It disturbs me to see the infamous Pickle Rick episode get praised as some kind of high-art that my feeble brain didn't understand (I like exposition dumps, I like monologues, but I like them in the beginning or the middle of a story. If you, as a writer, place a monologue or an exposition dump in your movie's ending, or worse, place it as the intended climax of your story, then you're a shit writer). It disturbs me to see Tuca And Bertie get praised for its story and 'likeable characters' when it features some of the laziest storytelling and least likeable characters I've ever seen in any cartoon.


I feel as though a veil has been lifted from my eyes. After a few years of animation beginning to be taken seriously as an art form, with praise being heaped up Rick And Morty, The Amazing World Of Gumball, Bojack Horseman, Young Justice and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Tuca And Bertie has such a disconnect between the critical opinion and my personal opinion that it makes me retroactively look back at those cartoons of the last decade to wonder if they actually deserved the praise they received.


Certainly My Little Pony: Friendship Is Condescending, Slow-Paced And Low On Stakes is an overrated cartoon with interesting lore and characters that were never used to their full potential in the actual show and it will someday be viewed the same way that the earliest Doctor Who episodes are viewed (flawed, but overflowing with potential that was realized in a later reboot of the series, yet it gained a cult following that will last for decades), but what about TAWOG? What about Bojack? What about Rick And Morty?


Well, TAWOG is a good show, but it severely lacks focus which will hurt the reputation of the show in the long-run. The longer it goes on, the more apparent the lack of focus will become until it eventually becomes what The Simpsons is now. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is timeless because it is arguably the most focused animated series ever made, which is impressive considering that it aired for 15 years. TAWOG is like a soda, it's better if you drink it as quickly as possible because eventually it will go flat. You can try mixing it with other things, like rum, but at that point all you're doing is trying to convince yourself that the soda hasn't gone stale while feeding a potentially dangerous alcohol addiction.


In case you didn't get my metaphor, I'm referring to how dependent TAWOG got on experimenting with the format of the show, to the point where it seems like newer episodes don't follow a format at all. When a friend drinks too much rum, it makes me worried.


Rick And Morty will likely become what Family Guy is now, a show that was great for the first few seasons but now routinely churns out terrible episodes that people dislike due to their emphasis on inserting social-commentary and pop-culture references in their episodes despite the fact that the creators are so far removed from the common person that they don't understand the current pop-culture landscape (which results in LEEERRRROOOYY JENKINS being mentioned on the show 10 years after it was no longer relevant) and the creator's weird worldviews turning off viewers when they try to offer their opinions on various weighty topics in the show (the infamous 'lightning rod' thing in Seahorse Seashell Party).


Anyways, rant over. I just wanted to talk about some cartoons for a couple minutes.


1

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - June 23rd, 2018


I love horror films, I love slow-paced dramas, so theoretically I should have liked Hereditary. Critics were praising it, calling it “The scariest movie of the year,” and “worthy of an Oscar,” so I decided to check it out.
I was not prepared to laugh out loud with the rest of the people in the theatre.


I’m not kidding here, watching Hereditary on Friday night in a packed theatre was like being on MST3K. All of us strangers bonded as we mocked the movie relentlessly, and we left the theatre chanting “Hail Paemon! Hail Paemon!”
It’s not that we didn’t get the ending and needed it explained, and it wasn’t that the movie was too slow-paced. We understood the film perfectly, and we realized how dumb it was and called it out on its stupidity, numerous times.


The main issue is the pauses in the film. Part of the reason we started mocking the film is that something weird or stupid would happen, then the film would pause for a while. Obviously the film makers wanted us to be like “Oh my God! That was so horrible/sad! I can’t wait to see what will happen next!” But, we were like “I totally called it! The chocolate cake had nuts in it and the girl would die in a car accident before they got to the hospital!”


The other issue is the clunky dialogue. I’m fine with tell-don’t-show sometimes, in fact I enjoy it a lot when it’s done right. This film doesn’t do that very well at all. It felt as though the movie cut out every moment of levity, and everything that didn’t give the actors a chance to ‘emote’ in some way or was relevant to the plot was removed. The problem is that everything the actors mention ends up being important to the plot, which makes it very predictable.


For instance, early in the film it is mentioned that the dead grandmother was involved in a weird cult, the daughter is allergic to nuts, and the mother sleepwalks. All of those things are important to the plot, and if you watch the movie you can easily predict how these things are important and will be brought up later.


The acting is pretty good in the film, except for the character of Annie and the boy (I forget his name). The father, the little girl, an old lady and pretty much every background character is a competent actor. The problem is that as the film continues the girl dies, the dad becomes a side-character, and the other actors vanish for many scenes. Around what felt like halfway through the film it seemed as though the focus of the film entirely shifted towards giving solo scenes to Annie and the boy, as well as giving them opportunities to overact.


Honestly, seeing Annie shriek and cry at the events unfolding in the film is like watching William Shatner in the old Star Trek series. Annie is given ample opportunity to shriek, scream and cry as she mourns for her daughter throughout the film. Her character is able to take a complete break from life in order to have as much time to herself as possible. She has no friends, she doesn’t interact with anyone when she works, and her family gives her as much space as she needs. Honestly, it reminds me of those films like The Last Descent with long stretches of a character talking to himself/herself while trapped and waiting to die. Even with the strongest actor it’s tough to get someone to spend an hour, or even 20 minutes straight, watching an actor talking to themselves. The boy isn’t much better, but at least his scenes are usually short, and at least he provides a small amount of levity within the film, even if it isn’t handled well.


The sound design is hilarious. The issue with bad sound design is usually that the guy in charge of the sound for a film only had a small amount of sounds to work with, and the sounds usually sound hilarious because they simply sound “off” when you hear them in the scene. This is especially hilarious when the sounds are also way too loud. Honestly, this film has some of the loudest sound effects I’ve ever heard, and the constant swells (you’ll know what I’m talking about if you see the film) are absolutely hilarious to listen to.


The ending is very dumb, and isn’t handled well at all. What happens is that the predominately slow-pace of the film speeds up considerably, resulting in essentially a number of weird set-pieces to elevate the tension. Then, the film goes completely off the rails in an explosion of stupidity as bunch of naked satanists and a floating headless corpse complete a satanic ritual.


See, the problem with the ending is that you can’t take it seriously on any level. Even if the movie had built the tension perfectly, once the naked satanists, the possessed mother crawling on the wall, and the floating headless corpse appears the movie instantly feels like a comedy and you can’t help but laugh. The fact that the movie tries to play it safe, and tries to wrap everything up neatly with a monologue by one of the naked satanists, makes it even more hilarious.


I honestly think that the critics who are praising this film must have watched a different movie than me. What I saw, and what apparently everyone in the theatre saw, was a poorly made horror movie with hilarious acting and a hilariously stupid plot, that I could not take seriously on any level. What critics apparently saw is a complex artsy and tense horror film with phenomenal acting.


I don’t understand critics sometimes.
 


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - May 20th, 2018


Okay, well, apparently the person who contacted me and asked me to write a depressing song for her about suicide for a cartoon she was working on didn't actually want the song for a cartoon. As far as I've been told, she actually wanted it to listen to while she committed suicide. Apparently she contacted me because she knew I could make a suicide song quickly and have it uploaded quickly as well. I don't know if she actually did commit suicide, or even if she was telling the truth, but it's definitely shaken me up a bit. What kind of person wants a stranger online to write them a custom suicide song?

The second thing that makes me a bit frightened is that I was woken up from a nap after work by rocks being thrown at my window. I collected the rocks that fell into the storm drain (or whatever it is) as a bit of a reminder that it happened. When I entered my apartment building earlier there were cops outside and a screaming woman, so I assume there was some kind of weird event that happened which I had missed. I know nothing about the situation, but I suspect that the woman waited until the cops were gone, then came back and started tossing rocks at the building for some reason. There have been a number of times during the past week where my neighbours have been fighting, and I noticed a few rocks caught underneath my neighbour's window. So I guess that the person was trying to hit my neighbour's window and kept on hitting mine because of bad aim. The woman is clearly unstable, and I'm honestly a bit scared to be around my apartment when whatever is going on is going on. It's a terrible thing not to feel safe in your own home, and to be too shaken up to take a rest after a long night at work.

Anyways, I'm much too shaken up to record and upload any music at the moment. So, I'm thinking I'll take a week or so off from making music and perhaps focus on something else for a while.


1

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - April 2nd, 2018


Fucking hell, this is going to be a bit angrier than my last post venting about terrible situation at my job because the girl I mentioned in my previous post woke me up at 2 in the morning with a phone call while I was having a good nights sleep. Do you know how often I, as a graveyard shift worker, get the pleasure of a good night’s sleep followed by a day off to do whatever I want? Not nearly often enough, so to have that spoiled for me is something that really makes me mad.

 

It gets worse though, I started working up front recently instead of in the kitchen. So, I did all the front stuff that I had to do (cleaning, stocking up, taking orders) while the kitchen staff worker was supposed to be doing all the kitchen stuff. I was patient with the guy, I was patient with him when he was slow and I had to deal with angry customers, I was patient with him when I saw that when I was finished cleaning the front nothing was done in the kitchen. I just assumed that the things would get done eventually. It was slow, so if everything wasn’t done by 4:30-5, it wasn’t that big a deal, and the guy was working until 8, so he had until 8 to get everything done before the morning staff came in for their shift.

 

Fucking hell, I was incredibly patient with the guy, but when I looked into the kitchen at 7am and the only thing that was done was that the grill was cleaned (no fucking product cooked, nothing stocked up, the fry holder not cleaned, floor not swept or mopped) I kind of lost my shit. Of course, rather than yell at the guy (which I find does more harm than good), I just started doing everything quickly (in addition to taking orders) and because I was rushing I did everything in about 40 minutes. I basically did this fucking guy’s job for him before one of the managers came in for his shift.

 

To make matters worse, the fucking guy had the nerve to constantly criticize the way I was working (because I was taking a shit ton of shortcuts and moving so fast to get everything done in time) and acted like a general dick as I was working. I was pissed and, when the manager came in I actually told her what had happened rather than just lie and say that everything went fine.

 

Honestly, I think that people in the graveyard shift take for granted how much I cover for them when they screw up, both by not telling the managers, doing work that has been forgotten about, and fixing mistakes. What’s my reward for doing this shit for people? Getting tattled on when I do screw up (it happens to everyone, but at least I try to fix my mistake), working with people no one else wants to work with and fucking dealing with literal harassment on the rare occasions when I do have enough of dealing with shit and complaining to someone. I do all of this for fucking minimum wage, and it’s definitely not worth it. I sacrifice every fucking night of my life for this job and these people. I don’t go to the bar with my friends, or go to concerts and I deal with a ton of stress on a nightly basis and nobody fucking appreciates it. Fucking hell.

 

Anyways, what really set me off and inspired this fucking post is that the employee I worked with and the girl I complained about in my previous post both started sending me a series of harassing and threatening messages on Facebook about how I complained to the manager about that terrible shift. Honestly, if they worked any other job at any other place they would be fired for pulling shit like this, but they’re not, and they take that for granted and probably think that the reason they aren’t being fired is that they are employees who are too valuable, smart and hard-working to lose.

 

Fucking hell, sometimes I just hate my life and wish I were dead so I don’t have to deal with shit like this.


4

Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - March 23rd, 2018


Here’s me venting about my job to strangers online because I’m pissed off about pretty much every aspect of my job, especially about a situation that’s been going on behind my back for the past few weeks which has ended up with two of the managers quitting (or being fired, I don’t know which).

 

First, a little background, I work the graveyard shift at a fast food restaurant at a university. This means that the employees we hire are mostly university students, foreign students, and immigrants. As a white Canadian, I’m actually in the minority in both this area, and at the restaurant, which feels weird at times.

 

Anyways, in the graveyard shift there are no supervisors, or shift managers, everyone who works on the shift is just classified as a regular employee and only distinguished by whether they work in the front as a cashier, or in the back as a cook. There are no real assigned duties that anyone has to do, no list of tasks to accomplish, just the unspoken rule that whoever works in the kitchen has to have everything in the kitchen cleaned before the morning staff get there, and that the cashier has to do the same thing for the front of the store.

 

The problem is that since there are no assigned managers or supervisors, the university students who we hire to do the shift start to believe themselves to be ‘the boss’ during the shift, and they prove their superiority over other employees who are equally as qualified by either showcasing how much better they are at doing their job than other employees, or by simply dominating other employees with their stronger personalities. Or, perhaps, by simply believing themselves to be better than the other employees at the restaurant and labelling everyone else as idiots.

 

This leads to horrible morale problems amongst employees as they either feel unappreciated because they feel as though no matter how hard they work the morning staff will never thank them for their work and the dominant employees will never show ‘weakness’ by acknowledging that an employee has done a good job. This is the main reason why we have such a large turnover of employees at the restaurant, as well as the fact that no one really wants to work a graveyard shift.

 

Anyways, the situation that has been going on at the restaurant without me knowing happened one night when a new manager that the restaurant hired was working a graveyard shift with me. I had finished all of my tasks in the kitchen, and because the manager was working on something on the computer and no one was cleaning the front, I decided to sweep and mop the kitchen so that it would be clean when customers showed up.

 

That turned out to be a massive mistake as the dominant employees who didn’t like that there was now a person with the label of ‘manager’ working a few graveyard shifts saw this as an opportunity to get him fired. What happened next was that the dominant employee reported the manager to the area manager, saying that he had violated my human rights by asking me to sweep and mop the floor, which was simply not true. When the area manager didn’t fire the manager after the dominant employee’s complaint, she just kept on searching for people with more power within the company to complain to.

 

I should point out that the reason why the dominant employee was mad at the manager was because at one point he had written what he called a memo which stated that she needed to be ‘counselled’ because she would often work shifts wearing regular clothes instead of her uniform. I remember her throwing a massive tantrum that lasted for the entire 8-hour shift when she read the ‘memo’.

 

This got ridiculous and although I don’t know the entirety of what happened, what the employee told me about what she had done was enough to convince me that the situation was horrible. At one point there was a text conversation between them where the manager asked her to stop doing what she was doing, clarified what had actually happened on that night, and then called her a “dumbass” for continuing this stupid crusade against him.

 

In the end, the manager either quit because he was tired of dealing with shit like this from the dominant employee(s) on a daily basis, or was fired because the employee simply wouldn’t stop bringing up the incident to various people within the company, and it saddens me that because the girl ‘won’ this battle she feels as though she’s been vindicated and that all her beliefs on the matter are correct, when in reality she just made things more difficult for every other employee at the restaurant because she embarrassed all of us and the people managing the restaurant left to get away from her.

What depresses me the most is that I have to work with this girl every shift because she pissed off every other graveyard employee and I'm the only one who will work with her.


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - March 21st, 2018


Once upon a time in the 1960s there was a man named Tiny TIm who was in love with the classic tinpan alley tunes that his generation didn't particularly care for, partly because tinpan alley songs were popular in a decade before they were born and rock music was taking over the airways. Tiny Tim ended up making a career out of singing these old tinpan alley songs, and also singing pretty much any current day song that he believed was popular with modern day audiences.

There was only one problem, Tiny Tim had a good singing voice, but a very limited range. He couldn't sing the classic songs he loved or the modern day songs without adopting a silly falsetto voice.

Funnily enough, when he started singing using the hilarious falsetto voice he started to get popular, but he only achieved popularity as a novelty act with a goofy voice, and it was clear that although he was making a lot of money entertaining people with his voice, what he truly desired was to be respected for making serious music.

So, his covers of popular songs because more extravangant and he started singing with his natural low pitched voice. But, did anyone care? Not really, and he realized that pretty quickly and went back to doing what people wanted him to do, singing weird falsetto versions of songs. If he had continued on the path of making serious music, he would have been seen as being a much bigger joke than when he was doing his novelty act.

Enter Seth Macfarlane, a guy who created a comedic show called Family Guy which became massively popular in the same manner as Tiny Tim, but with the exception of Seth now apparently wanting everybody to take his show seriously. Seth and his creative team created the horrible Brian And Stewie bottle episode, the awful Life Of Brian thing, the increasingly try-hard musical episodes, and now the terrible Send In Stewie Please bottle episode.

What Seth doesn't seem to understand is that the edgelord animation phase came and went, and nowadays a bottle episode where Stewie discusses his sexuality and confesses to pushing a child down some stairs isn't shocking, it won't be taken seriously by anyone except the most sheltered animation fan, and most importantly, it will be mocked and criticized relentlessly regardless of quality. The more the episode gets bullt-up (LIMITED COMMERCIALS, A SHOCKING TWIST, STEWIE REVEALS HIS SEXUALITY AND YOU GET TO HEAR HIS TRUE VOICE!! THiS WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING!!) the more of a joke it becomes.

Honestly, if Seth wants this cartoon to be taken seriously, he needs to have the revelation that Tiny Tim had. Taking yourself too seriously can often turn you into a bigger joke. Sometimes it's best to simply step back, take a look at your body of work from an outsiders perspective, understand what works and what doesn't work, and simply focus on doing things that work and that your audience enjoys.

Of course, Family Guy will probably never be seen as anything other than an unfunny joke these days, because with an episode like this it feels like they watched one of the depressing ATHF episodes (Freda, Carl, Party All The Time), and didn't realize that the audience was actually meant to laugh at the characters pain, not relate to it or offer the writing team an Emmy award for making a depressing episode.


Posted by ti-on-suxandrox - February 28th, 2018


I counted the amount of audio posts I've made this year, and the number kind of surprised me becaue right now it's around 70 songs since January. I've been quite sad and quite stressed lately, and when I get sad, stressed and lonely I tend to pour as much effort as possible into expressing myself. Normally I spread myself out between videos, pictures and music, but lately all of my time has been going into music.

I thought I'd talk about a couple recent milestones I've reachec so far in my little hobby of writing songs. I haven't exactly reached any level of true fame, or gained a real fanbase, so these little accomplishments kind of help me feel better about spending so much time doing what I love.

-Tom Fulp is a fan of mine and favourited m song 'Beautiful Suicide' - When I saw this I was extremely happy. I thought it was some kind of weird dream at first. I never thought that Tom Fulp, the creator of this site would ever show his appreciation for any of my songs.

-Headhunter reached 2000 listens and more than a hundred downloads - I love how occasionally I'll make a song that finds some kind of success, whether it be the unexpected success of Spongebob Mask, Vore, Little Dragon (a song I posted on Youtube before I started posting here regularly), or Incest Story. What was cool about Headhunter is that although those songs gained some popularity long after I posted them, Headhunter gained popularity almost instantly and I was given the rare pleasure of being able to check in every hour or so and see the listens and downloads climb. Seeing it on the bottom of the screen while posting a different audio track was a nice little experience for me.

Anyways, yeah, a big thanks to Newgrounds for letting me host my content and I hope to continue to posting more audio stuff.