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I'm seriously thinking about writing songs again. After my dismal last few efforts at songwriting (as seen on this site) I've decided to try something different. I think that my next song(s) will be under a different name. Instead of Xoxero, I'm thinking of starting a project called Bunny And Cat Porn (BACP) and releasing music under that name. I've always enjoyed Japanoise music, but I've never really experimented much in the genre, so I might just attempt something along those lines. I'm thinking melodic and sparse folk music mixed with ambient noise and sabotaged by harsh electronic noise and feedback.
Also, no more high notes for me. The people who follow me have probably noticed that while my lower range is stronger than it ever has been, the higher end of my vocal range has been deteriorating greatly the past few months and I've been in denial over it.
Spare a thought for the state of Undertale's critical reception and the legacy it will probably leave. It was praised to an extent that no other game had been praised before or since for it's supposed innovative gameplay and story, and was even given to The Pope in a move that seems incredibly silly (seriously, that was a move I expected to see in a cartoon). Some days I look at the Undertale praise-machine, the fans and the haters and I realize something. It almost seems like watching this is like watching one of those episodes of cartoons where people get obsessed over a movie, a game or a toy and the hype and hate reach absurd levels.
I'm mostly reminded of a game from my childhood, Myst, which was at the time the best-selling pc game of all time and praised to incredible levels because of it's innovative gameplay which consists of nothing more than walking around a 'beautiful' island and solving puzzles. There was a lot of praise for that game, and a lot of hate, but no one really talks about it anymore. I was reminded of it when The Witness came out with similar gameplay, story and environments and a similar, albeit shorter-lived and less extreme hype machine.
Undertale is like Myst in the sense that it won't age well because it's a very ugly game, even the people praising the game have mentioned it's ugly graphics. It's also a very shallow game once you get past the superficial depth, which is also like Myst. Remember how people praised the complex puzzles of Myst and the fact that you don't need to engage in combat at all? Remember how people praised how emotional the story in Myst was? Remember how people praised the gameplay of walking around and not killing enemies? Sound familiar?
The thing is, Myst was never a bad game and still isn't a bad game, despite what people claim. Undertale isn't a bad game either, despite what a number of people claim and will continue to claim years later as they argue with people who claim that it isn't as great as people believe it to be.
The problem is that both games are mediocre, which essentially means average compared to other games in the genre. The other problem is that most people won't play other games in the genre, they won't play other adventure games like Day Of The Tentacle, Discworld, or the Monkey Island games, so if they only play Myst and it becomes their only point of entry in the adventure game genre, they're going to praise it to high-heaven without realizing that there are much better adventure games out there. Similarily, for Undertale I suspect that many people who praise it as one of the best RPGs ever made have never played the majority of games released in the genre at the time of release that continued to be made that equal, and even surpass in some cases, Undertale is basically every aspect, from story to gameplay and especially graphics.
The reason for the bad critical standing of Myst is that eventually, through strong word of mouth rather than incessant hype, the better adventure games gained wider exposure and greater critical praise, while Myst was quietly forgotten. I believe that the same thing will happen to Undertale.
That said, I also believe that Undertale will go on to be remembered as one of the best games to gain popularity in the last three years, because it hasn't been a very good time for gamers (especially indie gamers) for the past couple of years. The shit has consistently risen to the top, the AAA games have gotten lazier and more cynical, and the good games are becoming harder and harder to find amongst the shit. It's no wonder why people who love good games have grown so attached to Undertale.
Also, it should be noted that part of the reason why I've grown to dislike the Undertale fandom is because they praise the dog ending as incredibly original and funny. When I point out that SIlent Hill 2 (one of my favourite games) did the same thing befre Undertale and arguably did it better, the fans screech at me that I'm wrong. Congrats! The RPG game that pointed out how it's better to be nice to people and make friends with even the hostile people trying to hurt you in some way has made you into a dick! Well done Undertale!
I don’t like Rick and Morty season three.
I remember when I first discovered Rick and Morty. I watched the episodes online and I loved them the way that I love a lot of Adult Swim shows (or at least, 25% of Adult Swim shows, they’re a bit hit-and-miss). I binge-watched season one, I binge-watched season two and I loved every minute of it.
Or did I?
If I were a professional reviewer/critic/summarizer, I would rate every cartoon I watched by approximately how much of every episode I found myself enjoying. For approximately every percentage that I didn’t like for whatever reason (a joke that fell flat, a little soapbox moment that someone shoehorned in, a ‘sad’ moment that didn’t feel sad, a moment that fills time and nothing else, etc.) I would remove a percentage from my overall score. If I didn’t enjoy about 35% of an episode, I would give the episode a score of 65%. On that note, I probably would give most modern games that I’ve played extremely low scores if I rated them the same way.
What I’m basically saying is that Rick and Morty in the first season would have averaged a score of about 70% per episode, and season two would have averaged about 75%-80%. The scores would be definitely higher than most cartoons, but that basically means that there are things that I don’t like about the episodes and the series as a whole.
The biggest issue that I have with Rick and Morty is the meta-humor in the show. The problem with meta-humor that isn’t always talked about is how dependent it is on how the audience is experiencing a work of art. For instance, the Psycho Mantis bit in Metal Gear Solid is based on a player playing the game with a Playstation memory card and a Playstation controller with a working rumble function, the problem is that most players these days are playing the game on their PC, so the meta-humor not only falls flat, but it breaks the immersion. Similarly, in Rick and Morty a good portion of the meta-humor falls flat because the jokes are related to watching the episodes on television with commercial breaks in between segments, when most people stream the episodes online without commercial breaks. Nothing breaks my immersion quicker than Rick announcing “we’ll be back after these messages!” and then no commercials appear. This isn’t a problem exclusive to Rick and Morty (there’s an episode of South Park entirely built on these ‘cut-to-commercial’ meta-jokes), but it is a problem that modern-day cartoons sometimes seem frustratingly oblivious to.
The other issue that I have with Rick and Morty is the character of Rick Sanchez. In Sealab 2021 a number of characters were nihilistic, childish, incredibly intelligent and self-serving. One of the jokes in the series has a character talking about the history of lead piping and why PB is lead on the periodic table of the elements. Most episodes would have these characters die before the end of the episodes because they got on the nerves of other characters with their intelligence, their selfishness, and/or their destructive tendencies. Rick Sanchez seems like the kind of character who would have fit right in with the crew on the show, and would have been killed just as frequently.
At first I enjoyed the novelty of Rick’s character, an old man who goes on wacky adventures with his grandson, gets into fights and repeatedly insults people with his witty remarks. The problem I have is the same problem I have with Family Guy; at some point it started taking itself more seriously and started tackling heavier subject matter (like the straight-faced suicide attempt, and the existential crisis stuff). The genie won’t go back in the bottle, once you dedicate entire episodes to showcase how depressed Rick is and how close he is to committing suicide, you can’t have the next episode carry on as if nothing had happened. Also, as Seth Macfarlane continually fails to realize, once you have created an entirely serious episode where you deliver a serious message in a serious way, you can no longer hide behind the “It’s just a cartoon! You shouldn’t take it seriously!” You also can’t use that argument that you shouldn’t take a cartoon seriously when that cartoon is financing your entire life and providing numerous people with careers, which is why flash cartoons made by guys in their basements and posted for free viewing online aren’t under as much scrutiny.
I got off-track there, and I already know that someone is preparing an argument to prove that my opinion is wrong. I figure at this point I might as well explain why I don’t like season three specifically rather than why I don’t like the series as a whole. I do like the series, I just think that it could be better because there are aspects of it that I don’t like.
The moment that turned me off season three occurred in the very first episode when Rick escaped from prison. The only reason why he escaped is because the aliens hooked him up to a virtual reality program to interrogate him, because he is apparently the smartest man in the entire galaxy. I refuse to believe that Rick is the smartest man in the galaxy, and I refuse to believe that the aliens would go through the trouble of using a virtual reality machine to interrogate him when other methods would be much more effective. In Star Trek: The Next generation, Picard was tortured and lasted for a very long time without breaking. The crucial moment in the episode occurred when Picard had lost all hope and was about to break, then he was rescued just before he was completely broken. This was the moment when I truly fell in love with Patrick Stewart’s character because it was the moment where he ceased to be a mary-sue character (tragic past, improbable set of skills, occasional moments where he breaks down, cries and attempts suicide only to be perfectly fine a few minutes later) and transformed into a completely human character. Rick being in prison and interrogated could have provided a similar moment, but it went in entirely the opposite direction and for the first time in the series I developed a dislike of Rick’s character that I still feel. I don’t want to watch Rick-centric episodes anymore because I no longer like the arrogant jack-ass mary-sue that Rick is and has always been but started to piss me off after the first episode of season three.
So, of course, Rick not only escaped the prison, but he brought down the entire federation, freed everyone from servitude, and brought down the council of Ricks. Fucking hell, this reminds me of when Dr. Strange defeated The Beyonders after they literally killed every cosmic entity and every remotely powerful character in the Marvel universe, or when Superman absorbed the rays of the sun for thousands of years and became a godlike being who solved every problem in the universe. As both men and women will be willing to tell you, at some point you should be ashamed at exposing your enormous penis and/or enormous breasts. Ideally, the point where you should be ashamed at exposing your enormous penis is when the damn thing is 50 feet long and therefore way too big to have sex or go to the bathroom without employing a team of helpers. Oftentimes, a workable 12-inch penis is more useful and impactful than a 50-foot penis.
The next episode essentially featured a rehash of the same ‘robot-develops-human-feelings-and-questions-his-existence’ joke that was used just enough times in other episodes to make it unnecessary and a little dull when it was used this time. The joke was also pretty drawn-out, which made it even less enjoyable. Also, for the first time watching Rick and Morty, I watched an entire episode without laughing once. I didn’t hate the episode, I just found it incredibly boring.
The third episode featured Rick turning himself into a pickle. If I was pissed off at Rick before for being an irritating mary-sue, you can bet I was pissed off when I saw this episode. The poop-eating-therapist also felt very forced, and very unfunny. Really, did they need to have the family go to a therapist who helps people who eat poop? Why couldn’t they have just gone to a normal therapist? Why did even the act of going to therapy have to have a joke stapled onto it? Forced joviality is one of my biggest pet peeves in any form of entertainment, and the poop therapist and ‘Piiiiicccckkkkkllleee RIIIIIIIICCCKKK” was one of the worst cases of it that I have ever seen. I hated the Pickle Rick episode, and so far it’s the only episode of the show that I can say that about.
I hope that season three gets better and that I can love the series again, but if episode five doesn’t change my mind about the series going downhill, then I’ll probably stop watching the show.
2017-04-14 16:31:46 by ti-on-suxandrox
I recently made a kickstarter page for a movie that I plan on making if I get the funding I need for it. It will be experimental, it will be surreal, it will have lesbians (although, there will be no nudity or any real sexual activity. The furthest the lesbian couple goes is cuddling. There's not even a kiss in the script), and it will be highly influenced by David Lynch.
If you like my pitch video, and like my more in-depth description on my page, feel free to donate and/or spread the word about it. I would really like my first full-length filmmaking project to be a success.
The Decadent Hotel
“I hate them, I hate them all,” A dark haired man said with a bitter tone to his voice as he stood behind the front desk in the hotel that he worked at. He was a short man, just under 5’1, and he was a young man who had recently celebrated his 22nd birthday by himself in one of the hotels hot tubs with a chocolate cake and little else.
“You think that I don’t hate them?” A tall blonde haired man who was a year older than the dark haired man said as he lounged on one of the three black leather couches in the lobby. His long hair flowed lazily off of the chair, and the dark haired man with short hair wondered how the 6’5 man was comfortable lying on the small couch. The way that he contorted his body to fit on the couch seemed extremely uncomfortable.
“I didn’t say that. I just said that I hate them,” The dark haired man growled as he opened a book that lay in front of him on the desk. He started reading the list of names from one of the pages within the book.
“It’s like they don’t think that we know what those people do when they check in,” The dark haired man said with a frown as he thought of the cute blonde haired teenage girl who had walked in a few hours earlier with an older woman who looked at her as he assumed that a wolf would look at a delicious rabbit in the wild.
“Peter, please stop, you’re working yourself up,” The blonde haired man said with a lazy smile on his face as he stood up from the couch. The dark haired man smiled as the full height of his friend was showcased in the lobby of the hotel for him, and whoever decided to walk through the door at the moment, to see.
“You know, I’ve never seen you this upset about working here until you saw that blonde girl check in,” The blonde haired man said to the dark haired man, who blushed and looked away from his friend.
The dark haired man wouldn’t admit it to his friend, but he found himself attracted to the blonde haired girl and he was jealous of the older woman who she was with. When he was 17 he had been offered a job at a hotel that had opened up within the small town of Voivodville. The idea of a large 9-story hotel being located in a small town seemed odd to a lot of residents, and he later discovered that the hotel was stranger than the people in the town believed it was.
When he had started work at the hotel with the blonde haired man, he was surprised to learn that they would be the only two employees within the hotel. The blonde haired man would cook, clean, and make sure that the guests in the hotel were taken care of. The dark haired man would monitor the check-in and check-out times of the guests, and film the guests in their rooms if they had agreed to pay a little extra for their stay in the hotel.
He had been surprised to learn that he needed permission from the manager to leave the hotel. He had also been surprised to learn that the blonde haired man would need to be with him to monitor him whenever he left the hotel. The hotel would close when either of the two men, or both of the men, took time off.
The hotel was built by a number of powerful institutions within the world. The purpose of the hotel was to allow the members of the institutions to indulge in activities that some people would consider obscene. Some men who checked into the hotel would dress like women when they had sex, some men would have sex with animals that may or may not be supplied by the hotel.
The woman who had checked in earlier was a regular at the hotel. Almost every night she would check in with a different teenaged student from her school. On Fridays she checked in with a purple haired girl who always wore a fancy white dress when they checked in, on Mondays she would check in with a short brown haired boy who looked incredibly uncomfortable when he was beside the woman and the blonde haired man who hung out in the lobby. On Wednesdays she would check in with a girl with rainbow colored hair and requested that a large bottle of shampoo await them in their room. It appears as though the blonde haired girl would be the girl who she would check in with on Tuesday nights.
“You’re upset because you want to fuck her, that’s so hypocritical,” The blonde haired man said with a smile, which angered the dark haired man.
“Well, maybe I’m sick of this place after all these years of keeping secrets and not being allowed to leave. Do you think I enjoy living in this hotel?” The dark haired man asked the blonde haired man, who paused to consider what the man had asked.
“You’re allowed to leave, and what’s so bad about living here? We have a fully stocked kitchen, state of the art equipment, a pool and a hot tub in every room. We don’t even have to pay rent for our rooms,” The blonde haired man said to the dark haired man, who continued to sulk behind the counter.
“Maybe I’ve finally developed a conscience after all these years,” The dark haired man said to himself, which caused the blonde haired man to chuckle.
“What’s so funny?” The dark haired man asked his blonde haired friend, who smiled as he started walking towards the elevator.
“I was just thinking about how you have apparently gained a conscience, and I think I’ve just lost mine,” The blonde haired man said as he pressed the top button on the panel on the left side of the elevator. After a few seconds of waiting, the elevator doors opened and the man stepped inside. He pressed the button that was labeled with the number four, and the elevator doors closed soon afterward.
The blonde haired man had hated his job when he first started working, but after a year of working at the hotel he learned to enjoy the benefits offered with the job. He was paid a lot of money to live in a fancy hotel, and occasionally he would be asked to get involved in the sinful activities that the patrons of the hotel would involve themselves in.
What bothered him was the knowledge that if the authorities ever caught one of the pedophiles that molested children, they wouldn’t be chastised harshly and most of them would be able to continue working, albeit in a different school. It bothered him that pedophiles were allowed to continue to receive opportunities to molest children, and more opportunities to learn how to avoid getting caught so that they could continue molesting children.
The elevator doors opened and the man stepped outside of the doors onto the fourth floor. He immediately started walking towards room 429. Once he was standing in front of the room he reached into his pocket and pulled out his special key card, which would open any room within the hotel.
He inserted his card into the door, and gently pushed it open once he saw a green light that indicated that the door was unlocked. He quietly walked inside the darkened room, and he followed the sounds of soft breathing to the large bed in the room located just in front of the television.
Once his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room he allowed himself to look at the two sleeping figures on the bed. The middle aged woman on the bed appeared to be sleeping with a content smile on her face, and the younger blonde teenage girl appeared to have a smile on her face as well. The younger girl had her arms wrapped around the middle aged woman as she held their bodies together. The blonde haired man might have assumed that they were a normal couple cuddling in bed had he not known the truth behind who they were and why they were there.
Unlike the dark haired man, the blonde haired man researched every guest who entered the hotel. He discovered that the older woman, who appeared to have brunette hair, worked at a school that was a little less than two hours away by car. Every time that she wanted to do anything with the students that had attracted her in some way, she would drive them to the hotel, pay to spend the night, and drive her students back home the next day. Many of their customers paid to stay at the hotel every night, so the only thing noteworthy about the woman was the distance that she was willing to travel on a nightly basis.
He didn’t hate the woman; he hated the people who allowed her to continue to hurt children for various reasons. Some people wanted to avoid negative public relations as a result of the scandal that would occur if her actions were ever made public, some people profited off of her. He was ashamed to admit that he profited off of the woman, as well as the hundreds like her.
Almost every night the hotel was filled with guests who were aware of the reason for the existence of the hotel. Every night the rooms were filled with people who did things in the hotel that they would never do outside of the hotel, despite wanting to. Every day he was in charge of cleaning up the various messes left in the rooms of the hotel.
Without thinking too much, the man reached out his hands towards the woman and wrapped his hands around her neck. The woman’s eyes shot open upon feeling his hands and she attempted to struggle. The blonde haired man smirked as he tightened his grip on the woman, who was unable to struggle too much against the man.
She attempted to scream, but little more than a strangled gasp escaped her lips. Within a short amount of time she had stopped moving, and the blonde haired man allowed his hands to continue squeezing the woman’s neck.
After a few minutes had passed, he released the woman and casually walked outside of the room.
“Is there something wrong?” A dark haired man who looked as though he was 30 years old asked the blonde haired man. The dark haired man was standing in the hallway, as if he had been waiting for the blonde haired man to leave the room before he spoke to him.
“You’re the manager of this place, you should know exactly what’s wrong,” The blonde haired man said with a grim expression on his face as he closed the door behind him and walked up to the man.
“I’ll admit, I’m not here as often as I would like to be. But, I care about my employees very much and I would hate to see my employees so distraught,” The dark haired man, who the blonde haired man knew as the manager of the hotel, said as the blonde haired man walked past him towards the elevator down the hall.
“I honestly don’t think that you can do anything to make me feel better about working here, without changing pretty much everything about this hotel,” The blonde haired man said to the hotel’s manager, who was walking behind him. The two men stopped in front of the elevator, and the blonde haired man pressed the button on the bottom of the panel on the right side of the elevator doors.
“I can transfer you to a different hotel if you want,” The dark haired man said to the blonde haired man as the two waited for the elevator doors to open.
“Why? So I can be just as miserable at another hotel and kill someone else?” The blonde haired man asked as the doors to the elevator opened and the two men stepped inside the elevator.
“I’d hate to lose a good employee over the loss of a customer,” The dark haired man said to the blonde haired man, who pressed one of the many buttons on the elevator panel.
“Maybe I’m not a good employee, you just think otherwise because I’m the best one you have,” The blonde haired man said as the elevator doors closed with the two men inside the elevator as they felt it travelling down.
“Even the best employees make mistakes. Besides, I can tell that you’re sorry for what you’ve done,” The dark haired man said to the blonde haired man as the elevator stopped and the doors opened, revealing the lobby of the hotel where the other dark haired man was sitting behind the counter.
“Maybe I’m not sorry, maybe I want to do it again,” The blonde haired man said to the dark haired man, who smiled from inside the elevator.
“What do you want me to say?” The dark haired man asked, and the blonde haired man shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t know,” The blonde haired man said, as the doors to the elevator closed and the dark haired man vanished from his sight.
I am the manager of one of many hotels where people who are employed by various institutions are requested to do whatever they wish to do in a safe environment. I have seen people have sex with animals, people having sex with children, and people having sex with stuffed animals.
Most of the things that I deal with on a daily basis are related to customers who perform sexual acts in the comfort and security of my hotel. Of course, occasionally customers check into my hotel with requests that differ from the sexual requests my guests usually make.
I’m familiar with murder, and I’m familiar with getting away with murder. I’ve had to commit murder numerous times within the hotel, and I’ve worked tirelessly to allow other people to get away with murder.
I also used to arrange marriages to take place within the rooms of my hotel. I stopped arranging marriage ceremonies in the hotel because my employees didn’t enjoy them very much. My tall blonde haired employee, Christopher, didn’t enjoy cleaning up the mess and cooking the food for the ceremony. My dark haired employee didn’t like the idea of a grown man marrying a plush toy. Of course, my dark haired employee didn’t seem to have a problem with the man and his plush toy having sex in the hotel.
As I sat at my desk and looked at the forms that I would need to fill out to transfer Christopher to another hotel, I started to think about how often I had gone through this process. I would often have to arrange for teachers and priests to be transferred by the institutions who needed the services that I would provide. I would also arrange to cover up murders for my clients in the same way that I would cover up Christopher’s murder of the middle-aged teacher.
I remember hearing someone tell me that the reason why certain teachers molest children is because they never developed sexually, and they seek out sexual partners who are as sexually immature as they are. I don’t know if there’s any truth to that statement, but it made me think.
Perhaps the reason why certain teachers molest children is because they graduate from high school and travel directly to college or university. Once they graduate from college or university they travel back to school to teach children. Perhaps this process somehow affects them, and makes them act out sexually with their students as their victims.
Or perhaps there’s an aspect of the educational system in schools that encourages pedophilia, which is why the educational institutions don’t want the media to analyze them. Perhaps the reason why this hotel, and others like it exist, is not simply to protect a lot of individual pedophiles, but to allow the system to continue to abuse children.
Of perhaps I’m simply over thinking this, it’s late at night and I’m very tired. My mind isn’t working right, and I’m stressing myself out thinking about Christopher’s murder.
I hired Christopher when he had just graduated from Voivodville Community High School. I knew that he’d be able to keep the hotels secrets, and I knew that he would be a hard worker. I wanted him to live a relatively stress free life within the hotel, I wanted to allow him to manage the hotel when I couldn’t manage it anymore. Although, perhaps the system that I set up to keep the secrets in the hotel safe is what transformed him into the kind of person who would kill one of my guests.
At some point I would need to send one of my two employees into the room to dispose of the body. I would also need to fill a bathtub with hydrochloric acid at some point, I would also need to phone the school and tell them that one of their teachers had died.
As much as I hated the people in my hotel that hurt others for their sexual pleasure, I hated myself even more for protecting them. I made millions of dollars protecting the people in the hotel, and I could make billions if I wanted to. With the money that was spent covering up the problems the institutions that hired him could have possibly solved them.
I can’t remember the last time that I could look myself in the mirror and convince myself that I’m not a bad person. The only time that it bothers me is on rare nights like this where I’m allowed to look at myself and realize how evil I’ve become.
I took a peek at my guest log earlier, and I discovered that more than 300 guests had decided to check in to the hotel for the night. 300 child molesters, zoophiles and killers had checked in for the night. All of them are just as filled with sin as I am, and it sickens me.
Perhaps it’s time to cleanse my soul of all of the evil within, and the best way to do that is with fire. Lots of fire to cleanse the evil within myself, and the evil that exists within every inch of the hotel.
“For the last time, you didn’t hug her to death. Chris killed your teacher, not you, you’re innocent,” The dark haired man said to the blonde haired teenage girl while the blonde haired man attempted to sleep on the couch in the lobby. Tears streamed down the blonde haired girl’s face and the dark haired man admitted to himself that he no longer found her attractive with her messy hair and moistened face.
“I hugged her too tightly when we slept together, I killed her with my love!” The girl sobbed on the floor of the lobby, making her clothes dirty and adding to the disgust of the dark haired man.
“You know, I would have fucked you if you weren’t such an irrational cry baby,” The dark haired man said as he pretended to read the words on a stack of papers as the girl continued to sob in front of him on the floor.
“I wonder if the others will be this upset about that teacher’s death. What do you think?” The blonde haired man asked; the dark haired man paused for a moment as he thought of the other teenagers who the woman had checked in with on numerous occasions. The blonde haired girl continued to cry, and the blonde haired man considered calling a taxi or her parents to take her to her home.
“I think the others will find another fuck toy and life will go on. Maybe they’ll discover that Internet porn exists and get their sexual thrills online,” The dark haired man said with a smile on his face.
“Is that what happened to you? Did you discover Internet porn and become so dependent on it that you can’t get hard without thinking about anime characters fucking?” The blonde haired man asked the dark haired man, who started to blush.
“I’m into vore,” The dark haired man said to the blonde haired man, who smiled from where he lay on the couch.
“Personally, I’m into feet stuff and those food things. You know these pictures where the girls look like they’re about to be cooked and eaten?” The blonde haired man said to the dark haired man, who chuckled as he thought about his friend licking someone’s feet.
“It sounds pretty sexy,” The dark haired man said, as he looked down at his desk behind the counter and a strange expression appeared on his face.
“Hey Chris, I think you need to see this error message on my computer screen,” The dark haired man said to his friend, who sighed as he reluctantly stood up and walked towards the computer behind the counter. His eyes widened as he read the message that was flashing on the screen in bright pink letters while a smiling blue face could be seen in the corner of the screen.
This is like a totally fatal error and shit, you’re all gonna die! Have a nice day!
”Our manager set the timer on the incendiary explosives, this hotel is gonna burn,” The blonde haired man said calmly to his friend as he walked back to his the couch in the lobby and laid down. The dark haired man’s eyes widened in response, while the sobbing girl appeared not to notice that the blonde haired man had spoken.
“Incendiary explosives burning the hotel? Why would our manager create a warning like that for incendiary explosives?” The dark haired man asked his friend, who shrugged in response.
“He didn’t think that he would ever need to use them. When he built this hotel he placed incendiary explosives in the walls to destroy the hotel if its purpose was ever exposed to the public, to destroy the evidence I guess,” The blonde haired man said to his friend, who seemed to be twitching with a terrified expression on his face.
“Why didn’t anybody tell me about the incendiary explosives in the walls of this place?” The dark haired man asked his friend, who turned his head to face him.
“We did tell you, numerous times. The manager told you when you were hired to work here. A much less stupid question is; why aren’t you running to the door?” The blonde haired man asked his friend, who shrugged his shoulders.
“Maybe the flaming explosives will burn the memories of obese old men fucking plush toys while eating greasy pizza from my memory. What about you?” The dark haired man asked his friend, who shrugged his shoulders.
“Maybe I just feel guilty about the murder I’ve committed, the crimes I’ve helped cover up, and all the other sins I might have committed. Why isn’t the girl running?” The blonde haired man asked the girl, who continued to sob on the floor.
“I don’t want to live if the love of my life is dead,” The girl said through sobs, which caused both men to roll their eyes in response.
“We totally didn’t expect that answer,” The dark haired man said to his friend, who nodded his head.
“I think she might have some kind of mental disability or something.”
My name is unimportant, at least that’s what I tell people because I don’t want to admit that my parents named me Jake Sparklingbreasts. I live in the town of Voivodville, and I was recently informed that a hotel in the town had burned to the ground.
I was also informed that before it burned down the hotel manager posted a list of all of the guests who had checked into the hotel on the night that it burned. A large percentage of the 300 guests within the hotel had checked in to indulge in a sexual fetish, or engage in sexual intercourse. A number of them had been teachers who had been sleeping with their students.
What bothers me is that the people running the hotel obviously knew about what these people were doing in their hotel, and they had allowed them to continue to do what they had been doing in the hotel for years. Why weren’t any of these teachers fired for having sex with their students so that other teachers who wouldn’t have sex with their students could take their jobs?
The sad thing is that most of the information relating to the hotel has been removed from the Internet. The site where the hotel once stood is filled with rubble and ash, which will be cleared relatively quickly if the amount of people working on removing the debris is any indication.
The hotel was a symbol of what society has evolved into. Something horribly decadent where morals and laws are ignored for the sake of personal pleasure. Restraints are being removed so that people can indulge in whatever makes them temporarily happy. If you have the money, you’re allowed to have sex with a scared and confused animal. If you’re in a position of power, you’re allowed to have sex with a child and people will work to allow you to do so.
Will any of this change now that the hotel has been destroyed and the truth behind it has been exposed? Probably not, if anything, another hotel will be built that’s even worse.
My relationship with my mom is not the best, I don't even want there to be a relationship with my mom at this point. She did enough damage to me during my childhood that I ended up being permanently messed up and now she's trying to be involved with my life again through my sister. Honestly, I think that I need therapy or counselling or something to fix me. The main problem is that I think people are more interested in offering help to children (I went to a lot of counselling when I was a kid, it didn't help much because I didn't know what the problem was so talking about it didn't help) or when you're an adult who outwardly screams that they need help. I rarely ever ask for help, so most people don't see me suffering in silence, waking up in the middle of the night because I had a nightmare on a regular basis.
I remember being raped when I was a child, though I'm trying my best to forget the memory. I remember the location (vaguely) but I don't remember the person who raped me. I do remember when the traumatic memory that I believe I repressed came into my mind and I had a panic attack as the memory played and I was once again a scared little boy in a room with a person I had no reason to distrust up to that point.
I also remember something that a portion of the newer generation of autistic people don't. I was sent to a hospital for evaluation, which was more of a psychological aspect of my development than anything. Nothing says "You're different than other people" like staying in a hospital for a few weeks with bars on the windows and locks on the doors. My room was next to a room with padded walls where unruly children were sent to calm down. So, I would often hear the children in the hospital banging against the walls and screaming until they eventually passed out. People still don't understand autism, but when I was a kid I was still in the period where different experimental treatments were being used to treat me and monitor my condition. I've had a number of MRIs when I was a kid, a number of bloodtests and I was briefly in an educational video on autistic adults that some people made for a University project.
I also remember being prescribed a number of pills and seeing a number of psychologists, none of which worked. The only reason people were interested in me as a kid was because I attempted suicide. What doctor wouldn't want the opportunity to help a depressed autistic child who attempted to kill himself?
I feel so much anger sometimes, but I don't know who to be angry towards. Myself, the part of society that made me the way I am or the part of society that doesn't care about people like me. The kind of people who are more than happy to sweep me under the rug and ignore me until I start screeching like a monkey, then they stare at me for a few minutes as a person might stare at a zoo animal.
I thought that I would take some time to write down some of my thoughts about lolcows, particularly Gloria Tesch and Christian/Christine Weston Chandler. What i’m going to say probably will be read by somebody simply because of the people I mention, so I don’t feel as though i’m wasting my time with this. Well, not completely wasting my time anyway.
Now, I personally believe that lolcows have roots in the world of outsider art, where famously terrible or eccentric performers and artists would gain followings simply for being weird. Sometimes, these outsiders wouldn’t make art at all, and they would attract a following simply for their personalities.
There’s something incredibly fascinating about being weird that makes fans of any form of art, be it music or paintings, seek it out. As a result, what tends to happen is that when an outsider gains an underground following they tend to be viewed favorably by the fans they’ve gained and the critics who are interested in the artist as well as their fans simply because they deviate from the norm. When an outsider artists gains mainstream attention, the mainstream audiences usually tend to dislike the outsider or see the outsider as a novelty act. A good example of this would be Wesley Willis, who was ridiculed by Howard Stern when he started to gain mainstream attention, but was looked upon favorably by the underground community, most notably by Jello Biafra.
This idea was exploited by Andy Warhol, who surrounded himself with eccentric musicians and artists in the hope that either their weird music/art or their personalities would attract some sort of a following. To his credit, he was correct to an extent. The main problem with his philosophy is that for every Velvet Underground, Nico and Candy Darling, there seemed to be 10 flashily dressed person who seemed to personify the sexually ambiguous glam-rock look before it became a mainstream phenomenon. Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that Lou Reed’s songs about Andy Warhol and his ‘Superstars’ gained the attention of mainstream audiences at around the same time that Marc Bolan and David Bowie were dominating the airwaves. If nothing else, Andy Warhol and the genre of glam-rock proved that people are naturally attracted to sexual themes, ground-floor-level taboo imagery, the illusion of danger and bright colours.
Someone once asked if there was anything redeemable about Sonichu. Personally, I view Sonichu as being a masterpiece of outsider art that is consistently looked down upon or outright overlooked by the people who follow Christine. This is because the Cwcki, and other areas which document Christine’s life offer summaries of what is considered to be the most important sections of Sonichu. Most people seem to rely on these summaries instead of actually reading the comic so that they can talk about Christine, which is like reading only the summaries of Stephen King books so that you can talk to people about Stephen King books.
What i’m saying is that the key to making successful outsider art that will attract a following is honesty and enough coherency that this honesty comes across to the person who is interested in outsider art. There’s a reason why Gloria Tesch’s novels attract a devoted following that waited eagerly for years for her to complete her movie based on the novels, while fanfiction written with a much lower level of quality didn’t achieve the same notoriety. Being bad doesn’t necessarily mean that a piece of art belongs to the genre of outsider music/art and is therefore destined to attract a following. Anybody can draw a bad picture, but it takes a special kind of person to put a lot of effort into drawing a bad picture that communicates something about themselves which resonates with a group of people.
With the age of social media where anybody can post anything online, some of the mystique of outsider music/art has disappeared. Daniel Johnston became known because he would spend the effort to record his music onto cassettes, draw the artwork for his albums and spend hours on the streets distributing his music. The fact that he would put so much effort into getting his music known was admirable, and the fact that the average person wouldn’t do such a thing to make their cassettes known made him interesting enough for Kurt Cobain to take notice. The reason why The Shaggs fascinate people is because low-quality demos made by musicians who couldn’t play their instruments were a rarity in the sixties. Even garage-rock bands could play their instruments, albeit in a sloppy and occasionally lazy manner, so it makes sense that The Shaggs and Wild Man Fischer would attract a following simply for spending time and money to make a bad recording.
Now we seem to accept that there is a lot of terrible music and artwork being produced and shared online. As a result, the only time outsider music and art seems to gain a following is if there is a story behind it that can be easily spread through forums, and discussed by the people on those forums. You can look up Blank Room Soup to figure this out.
Christine Weston Chandler is the perfect person for this purpose, which is why he/she is arguably the most well-known lolcow and one of the most successful online outsider artists to ever emerge.
Just by reading the pages of Sonichu, a person can learn about intimate details of Christine Chandler’s fairly interesting life. Of course, his/her life isn’t actually as interesting as an outsider like Daniel Johnston or Wesley Willis or even Tiny Tim, simply because his life is incredibly contained. He rarely ever leaves his hometown, and most of his eccentricities seem less interesting as we become exposed to more fascinating individuals online. Many of his/her quirks are exaggerated by people online, and certain events in his life are heavily debated by people online as to the importance they have to the communities of people who follow Christine, as well as how they impacted Christine herself.
But, it is the constant documentation and exaggeration that existed in Sonichu, as well as the wiki created by Christine and the wiki created by the people who follow Christine that truly makes him/her fascinating. To put it another way, if Christine made a video of herself brushing her teeth, there would be an entire page of the Cwcki devoted to the video, and possibly a mention of the video in a different section of the Cwcki related to his/her hygiene. The video of Christine brushing his/her teeth isn’t interesting, but the fact that people are anxious to document that the video exists is absolutely fascinating. This is similar to the phenomenon where certain bronies will watch episodes of MLP:FIM searching for interesting scenes to record and post online. The show itself isn’t particularly interesting, but the devotion of the fans and organization of the fan communities is absolutely fascinating.
There are always going to be certain people in any fanbase who see something successful, and want to emulate the successful thing so that they can become successful. When this practice is applied by artists with talent who don’t understand why an outsider or lolcow is popular, the results tend to vary. Sometimes in music we get classic songs, like ‘Stuck In The Middle With You’ which was an attempt to mimic Bob Dylan’s style. It could also be debated that Neil Young’s classic ‘Heart Of Gold’ was also an attempt to mimic Bob Dylan. Sometimes we get a legion of japanoise artists trying to imitate Merzbow and flooding certain sections of the Internet with purposefully bad noise recordings.
With Christine, due to the documentation and exaggeration, certain trolls have achieved an almost mythical status among followers of Christine. Youtube personalities have increased the size of their fanbase simply by talking about Christine on their videos. Occasionally, people even make money and develop a significant online presence simply for making a product that either references or mocks Christine and Sonichu. People have even achieved notoriety, albeit a small amount of notoriety, simply by being the first person to bring a Facebook post made by Christine to people’s attention.
The entire situation with Christine’s followers feels like a Kaufman-esque joke that you might see on an Adult Swim show. It feels as though a mentally unstable individual who is horribly incompetent was given an opportunity to perform on-stage, and a number of curious individuals went to see the show, which wasn’t particularly entertaining until the man started revealing details about his life while drawing pictures with crayons. Occasionally the man will scream at an individual in the audience, which makes other individuals want to see if they can get him to scream at them as well.
Perhaps the most perverse aspect of the trolling that Christine has endured is that it is now motivated by jealousy. There are people who are jealous of a man who they feel is inferior to them, yet has somehow become incredibly well-known online with a devoted following, which is something that many people online want. This jealousy is often seen in the comments section of Youtube videos which feature songs by musicians like Wesley Willis and Daniel Johnston, although such comments are usually in the minority. This jealousy also motivates people like Anthony Logatto to devote a large amount of time to declaring their hatred towards Christine, and similar people.
I believe that people who are interested in outsider art are people who search for art that they can relate to, rather than art that is polished and refined to appeal to the tastes of a mainstream audience who it is believed will not accept anything less than a perfect sphere with all of the edges that it had when it was a cube removed. These people search for interesting music/art, and seek out interesting stories to accompany the weird music/art they discover. These are the people who would purchase Maradonia at a bookstore, and instead of returning it the next day, they would read and laugh at the story, before going online to find out more information about the book and the author who wrote it.
The people who dislike lolcows and take time out of their day to mock them are the type of people who would find a copy of Sonichu that an employee stocked as a joke in Chapters, read the story and be personally offended that Sonichu was stocked at Chapters while their own comic was rejected by a number of publishers and receives very little attention online. They would then leave comments on whatever website tolerates or even encourages people to talk about Sonichu, they might even get involved with the community on the site and they might start a parody comic, or at least make a photoshop image that humorously comments on something in Christine’s life the same way that political cartoons comment on the life of a famous celebrity or politician.
The nature of the Internet means that anybody can get an inflated ego with a small group of followers and be prone to lolcowish behaviour. If a person regularly receives three comments from a small group of people every time they upload an inflation-porn picture to Deviantart, they will likely continue to post the same type of picture for years. If a person has extreme views, than a person could search for a community with members with the same views and have their views become more extreme as they are encouraged by one or two people. When a person has hundreds, or thousands, or millions of people encouraging them to have extreme views and make strange art, it can affect people in odd ways.
Yet, as I said earlier, artwork that is merely bad or weird or created by a person with extreme views doesn’t always achieve the same level of notoriety. As I stated earlier, the key to making successful outsider art and becoming a lolcow is honesty in your work.
Sonichu is popular because it is incredibly honest, for better and for worse. I encourage people to read at least a little bit of the comic because it genuinely has near-universal appeal, bringing a person to the time when they were a child drawing comics where they are a superhero fighting to rid the world of everything evil that they dislike with the help of their friends. It’s like Earthbound in a way, a light-hearted adventure that looks as though it was created by a child for a child, not an adult creating something that they think a child would enjoy. As a result, it’s creator understands the one thing that all great cartoons and comics intended for children understand, that occasionally something really fucked up happens in artwork created by children because children are fascinated by things that are fucked up, as are most adults but the curiosity is strongest in young children and teenagers.
As a result, in Sonichu really fucked up things happen and people get murdered, which is an incredibly base level of shock value which is often used by children in their artwork as they draw people shooting other people with guns. The really fucked up and interesting things in Sonichu are unintentionally shocking scenes that were put in by the author who doesn’t really understand why people would find them shocking, much like a child’s drawing of a marriage between a young boy and his mother with his father in a coffin while the two kiss. In a certain child’s mind, this is an innocent fantasy, but most people would find it to be pretty shocking, particularly the mother and father of the boy.
Maradonia appeals to people because it was written by a young girl who was at the stage in her life where she wanted to write a book. The main difference is that her book series was self-published by her parents, who continued to tell her that her book series was incredible and even filmed a movie based on the series. Yet, despite the drama behind the scenes of the book, if the only thing that a person knew about the series is that it was written by a young girl for a writing project, they might think that the story is cute. The numerous grammatical errors and the large print of the books are absolutely adorable given the context in which it was written. Unlike a number of fanfiction stories written by girls around the same age as Gloria, Maradonia is coherent enough that the unintentional humor within the story is able to be comprehended and enjoyed by the like-minded reader.
In all honesty, Sonichu and Maradonia could have easily attracted followings of people who are interested in outsider art, rather than a group of people who seek to mock them. Like I just said, Sonichu started out as an admittedly adorable webcomic with a dark edge to it as the author inserted references to his mental instability and moments in his life, which isn’t very far removed from the music of Wesley Willis. Maradonia is a book written by a young girl, which isn’t far removed from the works of fanfiction which are generally tolerated or even enjoyed by people who enjoy bad fanfiction.
I’m under the impression that most people who spend hours at a time online become desperate for some kind of attention. Whether it is a reply to a comment posted on a website, a mention in a post on Facebook, or even a mention in a video or a post on a social media website from someone who has people following them and regularly commenting on their posts. Therefore, it makes sense for people to be attracted to the idea of gaining attention through association with people like Gloria Tesch, whether it be on the side of mocking her in a similar manner to Conjugal Felicity, or by simply commenting on Facebook posts made by her in the hope of getting noticed by people who follow her or even Gloria herself.
So-called ‘lolcow cults’ exist for the sole purpose of following these lolcows for a number of purposes. Whether it be harmless curiosity, or more likely the desire to be involved with the communities associated with these people. The main problem with communities and fanbases is the same problem that exists with cartoons and comics. There’s no endgame to these communities other than to document the ‘funny’ moments of these people. As a result, what tends to happen is the equivalent of what happens when a group of people plan a roadtrip with no destination in mind with whoever will agree to travel in the car. Since the car isn’t planning on making a stop at a place like Disneyland or a nice beach somewhere, the journey in the car needs to provide the excitement. Which means that the entertainment provided in the journey must be provided by the sights which will be seen outside of the car, as well as the interactions between the people travelling in the car. It also means that the road trip will end once everyone travelling in the car gets bored of the journey, and nobody wants to hop inside the car and continue the trip, which means that the car and the road trip will end on it’s least exciting point. This takes a strange turn when the person driving the car starts asking for money to purchase fuel to continue to drive, and wants to continue to gain money simply for driving the car.
A big distinction between hated lolcows and beloved outsider artists is often the message and attitudes expressed by the art being produced. Daniel Johnston expressed a message of peace, love and tolerance while Christine Chandler expressed a singular desire for a girlfriend, and the desire for bad things to happen to people who have wronged him. I’m actually typing this right now and nothing that I can say about Christine would paint him/her as anything other than an eccentric individual with mental issues that were inflated by the environment he/she grew up in, and were exaggerated by trolls to make themselves seem justified in disliking him/her and actively working to make his/her life miserable, or pushing him/her to entertain them in some way to sustain their community.
Really, the only major difference between a disliked lolcow and a well-liked outsider artist is the type of people who follow them and interact with them. The trolls who seek out these eccentric outsiders seem to be incredibly insecure individuals who are less interested in eccentric individuals, and more interested in making their superiority over inferior individuals known. These are the type of people who practice drums for 6 months, then go onto Youtube and complain that Meg White is a terrible drummer who is undeserving of her fame because they can play drums better than she can. Or the type of people who spend hours creating videos mocking other people online.
Someone once told me that making fun of a lolcow as a pastime is diminishing in appeal, due to the fact that some of the things that lolcows are made fun of are becoming much more socially acceptable in our society. The thought of somebody spending hours online, with only the occasional bathroom break and food break, seemed strange at one time and was routinely mocked. Now, it is considered completely normal and some people consider people who don’t spend 1/4 of their time in front of a computer to be strange. Even furries and bondage are becoming much more socially accepted, with pedophilia possibly being more accepted in the future. It has also been proven that the ego which is a common trait among lolcows can appear in people who have at least 20 subscribers on Youtube. With the amount of people who have hundreds of subscribers, and the new technology which makes it easier to produce daily content for people to watch and comment on, there are more people than ever with massive egos who crave drama to draw attention to themselves and their Patreon accounts.
So, lolcows are becoming a lot more common, outsider art is also becoming a lot more common as people become lazier and new technology appears that continues to allow people to create art/music/videos and gain a following much easier.
Did I have a point with this article? Not really, these are just some of my thoughts regarding outsider art and lolcows. Someone once told me that a big problem with Internet culture is that people see text, then they see a comment section and immediately start thinking of what their comment will say instead of thinking about what they’ve read.
Anyways, now for some stray observations to pad this out further.
The most common piece of advice given to lolcows when they have financial problems is “Get a job,” as though walking into a restaurant/store and handing in your resume means that you’ll receive a call the next day and be paid enough money to fix all of your money woes immediately. Personally, most people I know will hand out resumes and search online for weeks/months before being asked to come in for an interview, and even then there’s no guarantee that you’ll be hired at all or start working immediately. More practical advice would be to “Get a job,” along with advice on how to make a small amount of money and survive on that while waiting for a call from a potential employer who received your resume.
I know that this a strange complaint, but every once in awhile I see people criticizing writers like Robert Stanek and Gloria Tesch by comparing their writing to Stephen King and the novels I had to read in high school, as well as Harry Potter. For me, this feels like comparing every band a person hears to The Beatles and Led Zeppelin. Yes, the bands are talented and made great music, but when those bands are your only frame of reference as to what ‘good’ music is, people are going to question your musical tastes. Chances are, some people will question whether you actually enjoy music, or are simply parroting the popular opinion without actually developing your own opinion.
I think that when a person obsesses over the Facebook pages of mentally unstable people for a number of years, they forfeit the right to mock the person. When celebrities are monitored by people in the way that lolcows are monitored, it’s creepy and could be considered to be a crime or at least in poor taste given the intent of people monitoring them. Why is the same standard not applied to lolcows? Probably because they’re not famous or well-liked enough to warrant sympathy.
Thanks for reading my thoughts. I look forward to reading your comment if you decide to type one.
Yeah, this topic has been done to death on Dorkly for a while now, so I decided to put a little twist on this article.
You see, for every depressing cartoon moment featuring sad music and a depressing scene in a character’s life, there are scenes which attempt to parody the depressing scenes that cartoons will use to milk the tears from your eyes.
The problem is that sometimes these scenes are just as depressing as the scenes they seek to parody. This is a list of some of those scenes and episodes.
Clone High - Litter Kills, Literally
One of the most underrated cartoons of its time, and possibly of all time, Clone High only really started to achieve recognition after its creators found success after the show was cancelled.
Litter Kills, is one of the most memorable episodes of the entire series, and it attempts to parody shows that seek to make people miserable by killing beloved main characters. At the start of the episode it is announced that a character will die.
Clone High introduces a new character and pretends that he is a main character who was there all along. The audience gets the joke, but the characters in the episode believe that the character is one of their closest friends. It’s basically like that episode of Rick and Morty where Mr. Poopybutthole is introduced just so that he can be critically injured.
The death of the character and the supposedly depressing ending don’t inspire any emotion. Nobody cares about Ponce, and the audience refuses to grow attached to him because the audience is told that he’s going to die before the episode even begins. All of the depressing music and depressing scenes are so overdone and pointless that they’re funny.
Except, that isn’t entirely the case.
You see, JFK is the comic relief character and he is best friends with Ponce. We rarely ever see JFK get depressed throughout the series, but his character is someone who gets angry over mundane subjects and gets depressed in an earlier episode when he believes that he may be sexually attracted to one of his male classmates.
Ponce’s death affects him more deeply than any other character. He isn’t mature enough to handle the emotions that he feels after the death of his friend, and he receives very little support from his friends who don’t believe that he is capable of being depressed after the death of his friend.
Whenever any character gets a scene, we get to see a ridiculously over-the-top display of mourning. This becomes a running joke in the episode, which gives us great lines like:
“Your son will still be dead when you get back.”
“I just killed my dead friend!”
“Now Mario’s dead, i’m killing everyone.”
But it’s JFK’s mourning that really affects the viewer. JFK is a character who we have grown to like, and his over-the-top antics in the episode might be funny if they were the actions of a more mature character, but with JFK, it just comes off as a character who is too childish to express his grief in a less childish way.
To put this another way, when JFK punches his dead friend at his funeral to punish him for making him sad, then crawls into his coffin after saying “Ponce, i’m gonna sleep here next to you,” it’s heartbreaking. But, it’s only heartbreaking because JFK is the one in the scene.
Of course, this is immediately made apparent with a scene where Joan mourns for Ponce a short time later, which isn’t nearly as sad and is actually kind of funny.
I guess what i’m saying is that this show has depressing scenes that are actually quite funny peppered throughout nearly every episode. The reason why this episode is so depressing is mostly because of the character that they chose to focus on, not Ponce but JFK’s childish reaction to his inconsequential death.
2. Freakazoid - A Matter of Love
What’s interesting about this episode is that there is only a single depressing scene in the entire episode, and you get the impression that someone involved in the production of the episode tried to make it seem less depressing.
The episode features Freakazoid’s best friend, Cosgrove, spending less time with his friend because he’s found a girlfriend. In keeping with the usual humor of the show, a tender moment is interrupted by a black-and-white clip of a group of guys fighting on a train.
Freakazoid obviously doesn’t like the woman because he feels as though his friend doesn’t want to hang out with him because he would rather hang out with her. Also, the girl is actually a monster who wants to kill Freakazoid so that she can live for another hundred years, with Cosgrove.
You see, the monster actually does like Cosgrove and wants to share her immortality with him. Cosgrove would like to be immortal with her as well, but not if it means that his best friend will die.
As you might expect, Freakazoid saves the day and the monster is defeated. I expected that the episode would end with the two friends apologizing and going out for snow cones, but that’s not what happens.
Cosgrove says a few last words to the pile of dust that was once his girlfriend. Freakazoid, recognizing the seriousness of this moment to his friend, doesn’t even make a joke. He simply walks with Cosgrove into the sunset in silence.
A funny song plays in the background during the scene, but the scene is so powerful that even the song doesn’t derail the emotional weight of the scene. Cosgrove lives in a wacky world where every girl that he is likely to meet and form a relationship with is likely to be a monster.
The lack of continuity between episodes means that any relationship he forms is likely to be ended when the episode ends. The only friend that he is allowed to have is Freakazoid, and he’s not mature enough to truly understand what Cosgrove is going through at the end of the episode. But, the fact that he makes the effort to comfort his friend and doesn’t even attempt to make a single joke, is genuinely heartwarming.
3. Sealab 2021 - Joy Of Grief
Does Sealab 2021 have depressing moments? No, is the only answer that anybody who is a fan of the show could give. Sealab 2021 rarely features characters grieving, and when it does it’s usually for comedic effect. Thanks to Sealab 2021s excellent writing, it manages to take the idea of grief and explore it in a way that it hasn’t been truly explored in a cartoon before or since, that i’m aware of at least.
The episode starts with possibly the only funeral seen on the show. Anybody familiar with the shows canon is aware that characters die all of the time on the show, so the death of a main character is nothing new. As a result, the characters don’t grieve for the death of their friend, the notion of feeling sad for the loss of their friend is dismissed by the captain, who instead tells the story of how Marco died. This is followed by a scene featuring Marco having sex with a shark, then being killed after the shark makes comments like “Get your human penis out of my wife’s sharkgina.”
It’s a standard way for an episode of Sealab to open with, and like a standard episode of Sealab 2021, it gets weird pretty quickly.
A grief counsellor appears in the episode, except she might not have appeared at all. The premise of the series is that all of the characters have gone insane as a result of being in a research facility at the bottom of the sea for a year, so she could simply be a shared hallucination amongst the crew members representing their need to grieve for their friend.
Anyways, it quickly becomes apparent that all of the crew members are either unwilling to grieve for the loss of their friend, or unable to grieve for their friend. Tornado Shanks is unable to mention how depressed he is about his friend’s death, and instead he makes jokes about his friend’s death. It sounds terrible out of context, but the only way that Shanks can express any emotion about his friend is by making jokes.
Sparks is just as unable to express his emotions, claiming that expressing his emotions is something that a homosexual would do, not a straight man like him. Debbie forgets about Marco’s death and gets over Sparks’ death alarmingly quickly, focusing on having sex with an amish man instead of focusing on her grief over the loss of her friends. Doctor Quinn is so used to seeing his friends die that when the grief counsellor actually starts murdering crew members, he merely criticises the way that she kills his friends.
To put this in context, it’s like Rick Sanchez becoming so used to fixing all of his problems with science that any problem he has becomes meaningless. When he ruins his world, he simply goes to another universe and assumes the role of his dead counterpart without any emotion. Or like Pinkie Pie being unable to mourn the death of a friend in any way other than by smiling or throwing a grief party.
The crew of Sealab don’t know how to grieve or even that they should grieve for the loss of their friend. They aren’t sure if they should believe that he’s dead when they know that it’s possible that he could return in the next episode, and even if he is dead forever like Captain Murphy, they don’t know how to mourn for him. The only things that they know how to do are tell jokes and hurt each other.
As a result, the grief counsellor who is probably a shared hallucination, represents their shared psychological desire to be punished for their inability to grieve. When they don’t grieve for their friend properly, they are killed, it’s only when a remnant of their friend appears that the grief counselor disappears.
When Sharko, Marko’s son, appears as a half-shark half-man hybrid, everything returns to normal. This is is because the simple death of a friend is a normal thing that the characters of Sealab 2021 don’t understand, but a half-shark half-man creature is something that makes sense in the bizarre world of Sealab 2021. That is actually a pretty depressing thought.
4. Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Party All The TIme
This isn’t the first or the last time that Aqua Teen Hunger Force attempted to make a depressing episode. The humor in these episodes usually stems from the fact that they are rarely, if ever, the last episodes in a season, so the audience knows that the character who dies will be alive in the next episode. A more depressing episode might actually be the fake series finale where Frylock is killed due to Meatwad’s stupidity.
However, this episode should be mentioned simply for the fact that it features a depressing premise for the sake of making extremely dark jokes about depression and grief.
The episode is admittedly pretty heavy, Frylock gets cancer and slowly dies in front of his friends. Lots of hugs and sad music appears throughout the episode as the characters prepare for Frylock’s death. The unusually somber mood permeates the episode, and some parts are actually kind of difficult to watch.
“Oh god, he looks like he’s dead already.”
The idea behind the episode is that the depressing theme is so overdone that it’s supposed to be funny. An episode focusing on death can’t be depressing if other episodes have had more horrific deaths right?
Except, no other episode has featured a character slowly wasting away due to a disease that can’t be cured. Weirdly, the theoretical parody of depressing episodes ends up being played oddly straight, it almost feels like the script was taken from a depressing episode of a television show, and simply had ad-libbed jokes thrown in to lighten the mood.
Except, the jokes don’t lighten the mood, and they actually make things a lot worse. Frylock stops caring about the wacky world that he lives in, and is so depressed that he accepts his fate and simply waits for death. When he comes home after a visit to the doctor and sees Andrew WK in his living room singing a song about partying, he ignores him and goes into his room. He is so depressed and ready for death that he doesn’t even want to use his time machine to attempt to cure himself.
You get the impression that the animators wanted this episode to be funny in a dark way, but it rarely comes across as being funny, just depressing. Every joke is undercut with either an image of a sick Frylock, or a quote from one of the characters about Frylock’s declining health. It’s such a jarring shift in style from the episodes usually presented by the show, simply because it takes a more serious approach to the concept of death.
5. Futurama - Jurassic Bark
This episode wasn’t actually supposed to be as depressing as it was. I think that every person who reads this will have memories of the first time that they watched this episode and were greeted with the infamous ending scene of Seymour waiting for his master.
Originally, the episode was going to feature one of Fry’s parents being fossilized, but the idea was scrapped in favour of having his dog being fossilized. The episode was also originally supposed to feature a different song for the ending, but I think that everyone can agree that a big part of the scene’s emotional impact was the result of the music played at the end.
Now, I won’t write down the reason why this episode is so depressing, instead I will say the reasons why it wasn’t meant to be.
For starters, as I already stated, the premise of the episode was changed to make it less depressing. The ending of the episode was also changed later, in one of the movies, to make it happier, with it being revealed that Seymour was with Fry all along before he was fossilized by Bender.
What makes this episode so emotional is the fact that it wasn’t meant to be nearly as emotional as it was. While other cartoons and tv shows tend to go to great lengths to achieve the desired effect on the audience, which Futurama would do in later episodes, Jurassic Bark is depressing simply because it doesn’t try too hard to make the audience cry.
To put this another way, Rick and Morty made the audience cry by having Morty experience an existential crisis after he buries a corpse from an alternate reality version of himself after he helped destroy the entire world. That’s pretty heavy stuff, and Futurama could have easily done something similarly heavy with the concept of Fry discovering a fossilized parent. Instead, this episode set its sights far lower with the intention of not upsetting the viewer too much and ends up being arguably more effective as a result.
To put this metaphor another way, it’s not likely that anyone will ever bury an alternate reality version of themselves after destroying their planet with a love potion. But, a lot of people can relate to saying goodbye to a beloved pet.
All that the episode does is make you care about a dog, which isn’t hard because most people in the world love the company of a dog and can relate to the thought of being separated from their beloved pet. The sad music at the end only highlights an emotional scene that is filled with subtle comedy.
The fact that this episode was nominated for an Emmy award, but lost to a kind of forgettable episode of The Simpsons, is also kind of depressing.
Chapter 1: Electric Wizard References
I closed my eyes when the electric wizard appeared in front of me. I was only six years old when I decided to disobey my mother and visit Funeralopolis. The other dragons didn’t want me to go and explore the area. They said that it was scary, they said that it was dangerous, and I wished that I had listened to them.
I heard a voice screaming at me, but I continued to keep my eyes closed. I wasn’t strong enough to fight an electric wizard, and I didn’t think that any other dragons would be stupid enough to travel to Funeralopolis, or save me from the menacing electric wizard.
Funeralopolis was an area where dead dragons were taken to be cremated, or where dragons who wished to die travelled to be killed by the ruler of the land. The land was ruled by a mysterious creature who called itself The Wizard In Black. No one had ever seen The Wizard In Black, due to the fact that it blended in with the shadows of Funeralopolis. Even the fairies which it trained as apprentices had never seen it, despite often flying or standing directly in front of it.
The electric wizards are the souls of dead fairies which have been corrupted by The Wizard In Black. Once The Wizard In Black finds the soul of a dead fairy, it immediately removes all of the light that existed within the soul of the fairy. Afterwards, it proceeds to distort and corrupt whatever remains of the soul of the fairy, result in a hideous deformed creature known as an electric wizard. The size of the electric wizard depends on how much light existed within the soul of the dead fairy.
I assume that the fairy which was used to create this electric wizard had very little light within it’s soul, judging by it’s large size.
A single bite from an electric wizard has been said to completely immobilize the unfortunate victim, and while the electric wizard was eating it’s victim it would flood the mind of the victim with images of kittens being drowned in a river by a man named Joseph Spot. The fact that research into the images seen while the electric wizard devoured a victim happened is a strange thought, the fact that they eventually discovered that the man in the images was named Joseph Spot astounds me.
“Wake up!” The voice was louder this time, and I immediately opened my eyes when I heard it. The electric wizard in front of me shrieked, and I had to close my eyes as soon as the flames which burned the electric wizard entered my field of vision.
Once the heat disappeared, I opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my entire life. The purple dragon who stood in front of me looked incredibly sexy with his bright red wings extended in a protective way. I honestly felt as though nothing could hurt me as long as I stood behind his beautiful wings.
The shrieking of the electric wizard sounded like a symphony, and the light from the dragon’s fiery breath shone on the dragon like a spotlight, highlighting all of his best features. I blushed and looked away when I realized that his exposed penis was fully erect. I assume that he was either aroused by the thought of killing the electric wizard, or from me, the sexy male dragon who was lying naked and helpless behind him.
“Run!” The purple dragon ordered, and I hesitated. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t want to move away from him. The thought of moving away from the protection that his wings provided, and the promise of pleasure that his dick provided, was unpleasant. I was a dragon going through puberty at the time, so my sexual urges had only started to develop a short time ago. I think that the first time I ever masturbated had been 2 weeks before this incident. Coincidentally, during that night when I had been alone in the forest, I had been thinking about the purple dragon who was currently standing in front of me.
The purple dragon’s name was Oryps, and my name is Erif. I am a dragon with red scales and blue wings, neither of which look as splendid as the features of Oryps. The purple dragon looked, to me at least, like a dragon god who was forced to spend the rest of his life amongst mere mortals so that he may better appreciate his beauty. Yet, despite his perfection, he remains humble and acts as a friend to all creatures.
“Follow me!” The incredibly sexy eight year old dragon yelled, and I immediately stood up and followed him as soon as I realized that he had started moving. His tail swished in the wind as he ran, and my eyes followed the rhythmic swishes.
Swish, swish, swish
The dead trees and grass that we ran through went almost completely unnoticed by me, though I imagine that Oryps was completely aware of all of the obstacles in his way as he ran, judging by how gracefully he ran past them and jumped over them.
He probably would have used his wings to fly away from Funeralopolis, if he wasn’t running away with me. My wings hadn’t fully developed yet, so I wasn’t able to fly. Oryps was one of the best flyers in our little colony of dragons, at least in his age group.
Swish, swish, swish
Eventually, the grass started to become greener, and the trees started to look more alive. The dead land filled with darkness and shadows that I had chosen to explore was behind me. In front of me and Oryps was the bright and life-filled land that we called our home.
Swish, swish, swish
Chapter 2: Godflesh References
All of the dragons in our little colony were created by our leader, a mysterious creature who calls itself Sungod. I cannot describe her, mainly because i’ve never actually seen her. She lives in a cave, and very few dragons have ever been allowed inside of the cave to see her.
Sungod claims that only the dragons who she deems to be the most worthy, or ‘pure’ as she calls them, may enter her cave to see her. Those who she deems to be unworthy are not fit to see her.
The main reason why dragons want to be worthy to see her, is because dragons who are deemed ‘pure’ get to breed and serve her. The breed part of that statement is what attracts male dragons to the idea of breeding with her. Who wouldn’t want to breed and serve someone with the flesh of a god?
Oryps, being the most selfless amongst all of us dragons, is most likely to be viewed as pure by Sungod. His twin brother, Ekips, might also be seen as pure by Sungod. The only major difference between them is that Ekips is less strong, less brave and less handsome than Oryps. Ekips also has baby blue eyes, whereas the eyes of Oryps are bright yellow, and they look like a gift from heaven.
Speaking of Ekips…
“What’s so special about Oryps anyway?” Ekips asked as he hung upside down in a cave, suspended by what appeared to be a spider’s web. The thin threads were strong enough to hold his body, and although he might have been able to free himself if he were able to use his claws, the fact that his claws and feet were tightly fastened to his body meant that he was unable to break free.
Erif was beside him, suspended in a similar web. The two of them were presently waiting for Oryps to rescue them. The purple dragon seemed to have a sixth sense, always knowing when a dragon was in danger.
Erif once asked Oryps how he always knew when he was in danger, Oryps replied with the following statement.
“If I haven’t seen you or my brother for an hour or two, I know that you’re in trouble and I start looking for you.”
When asked how Oryps always seemed to know where to find him, Oryps responded with this statement.
“Most of the time you seem to go where our teacher told you not to go. One day, i’m going to tell her to stop telling you about these dangerous places. I think that she wants you to die.”
“You’re just jealous that all the pretty girls and boys want to kiss his heroic purple penis,” Erif said to his friend, who blushed heavily in response as an image of dragons standing in a line waiting for their turn to pleasure Oryps appeared in his mind.
“Well duh, I mean, wouldn’t you like to be the hero who everybody wants to fuck? It’s not like he’s done anything heroic to earn all those admirers…”
“You mean, besides saving our colony three times from the evil Black Boned Angel and her army of streetcleaners?” Erif asked his friend, who growled. He would have folded his arms in response, had he been able to.
“I mean recently, like in the last two months or so…”
“He saved us from a wizard named Xnoybis last weekend, don’t you remember?” Erif asked his friend, who scoffed and turned his head away from his friend. “Whatever, I still don’t think he’s that great,” Ekips murmured to himself, and Erif giggled.
“Come on guys, seriously, how could you get taken by an army spider?” Oryps asked as he stood at the entrance to the cave with an exasperated expression on his face. He looked tired, and Erif was willing to bet an entire month worth of food that he had recently been awoken from a nap, possibly by a fairy who was worried about the two missing dragons.
Erif smiled as Oryps walked towards him. “He must have caught us off-guard and overpowered us, those army spiders are vicious.”
“Those army spiders are 30 centimeters long. That thing must have spent hours just dragging you to it’s cave,” Oryps said to his friend as he walked towards the web that was holding his friend. With a quick movement of one of his claws he severed the web and Erif fell on the cold ground.
“Oh sure, save your boyfriend before you save your own brother,” Ekips scoffed. “You’re always thinking about the dragons who lick your dick aren’t you?”
Oryps smirked as he walked up to his brother, who glared at him as he hung from ceiling of the cave. “Are you saying that you want to suck my dick for preferential treatment?” Ekips looked horrified when he heard the words spoken by his brother, Erif giggled yet he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. He was aware that Oryps was joking, but he still didn’t like the thought of any other dragon doing anything sexual with his long time crush.
“Do you want me to suck your dick? Do you imagine my lips satisfying you when your boyfriend sucks you off?” Ekips asked his brother, who groaned as he lifted his claws into the air.
“Okay, that’s it,” With a firm swipe, Oryps severed the cobwebs keeping his brother suspended in the air. “You’ve been up there too long, all the blood rushed to your head,” Oryps caught his brother before he hit the ground and held him in his arms.
“You’re not thinking straight, you need to lie down for a little while and recover from this traumatizing situation,” Oryps said to his brother as he held him in his arms and started to walk towards the entrance to the cave. Ekips blushed as he looked into the eyes of his brother as he was carried, while Erif stared at the two brothers in shock.
“Will you lie down with me?” Ekips asked his brother, who nodded his head and smiled as Ekips cuddled against his body as the stronger dragon continued to carry him.
“Did you kill the spider?” Ekips asked his brother, who smiled as he nuzzled his brother’s cheek.
“Of course I did, you don’t need to worry about the scary spider, you don’t need to worry about anything ever again,” Oryps whispered into his brother’s ear.
Chapter 3: Emperor References
Erif was mad.
Erif used to be the dragon would get in trouble on a weekly basis and have Oryps save him. He still got in trouble on occasion, but he was now strong enough to take care of himself. It looked silly to have a teenage dragon call for help from a monster when he was nearly twice the size of most things that could threaten him. Bears were the closest thing in the valley that could injure him, but they were terrified of fire. Plus, Oryps snapped a bear’s neck to save his life when he was young and now bears mostly stayed away from even the smallest of dragons.
He cursed the tiny dragon known as Ekips for his small form and the adorable way that he screams when he is in trouble. Oryps, who had grown to be four times the size of Ekips and twice the size of Erif, would always rescue him and then fly off into the sunset.
Oryps now lived in a cave near the top of a mountain, and Erif had difficulty flying to his home. Ekips would have had the same difficulty, if Oryps wasn’t constantly flying him to the cave. Erif was fully aware of the nights that Oryps would spend cuddling with his brother, and he didn’t like it.
Erif was mad.
“How dare he love someone who isn’t me!” Erif screamed to the purple haired fairy in front of him as he stopped in front of her. The two of them were in Erif’s cave near a stream filled with bright pink water. Wit, the purple-haired fairy, was lounging on a small rock in the cave.
“Do you have any idea how childish you sound?” Wit asked the dragon, who apparently didn’t hear her and continued stomping around the cave.
“Maybe if I act like a child he will love me, he obviously has a thing for immature dragons, judging by his mate,” Erif said bitterly to the fairy, who rolled her eyes at the fuming dragon stomping around the cave.
Wit wasn’t amused by the way that Erif was acting, and if she wasn’t currently hiding in his cave from The Black Wizards, she might have flown away from the dragon and his cave.
“Curse you all men,” Wit whispered as Erif continued throwing his temper tantrum over his unrequited love for a dragon who was currently courting his brother.
“I mean, Oryps isn’t even here to stop The Black Wizards from destroying our colony and terrorizing our fairies. But you just know that if Ekips was being attacked, Oryps would kill all of them.” Erif pouted although he was entirely unaware that just outside his cave, Oryps was battling The Black Wizards to save his colony of dragons, while Ekips remained safe in the cave that they shared.
“We’re not your fairies, we’re not anyone’s fairies, we’re our own race,” Wit said to the childish dragon as she glared at him. Erif scoffed at the fairy, which seemed to make her a little more angry.
“You seem to forget that your race used to be slaves to the electric wizards. We liberated you from their tyranny, therefore you are in our debt,” Erif said with a smug expression on his face to the fairy, who appeared to be ready to attack him. A smart dragon would have likely chosen to remain silent to avoid making the fairy angry, but Erif was not a smart dragon.
“If you say one more word, i’ll kill you,” Wit glared at the dragon as she spoke. The dragon smirked at the fairy before ignoring her warning and speaking.
“How can you have so much pride when you spent your entire life as a slave.”
Chapter 4: Murder Mystery
Erif’s body lay untouched within his cave for a few weeks before it was found. Oryps would have likely searched for the body sooner, had he not been busy dealing with the latest powerful creature who sought to either take over the world, or destroy it. Oryps stopped caring about the motivations behind the creatures he fought when he was young.
Ekips immediately suspected that Erif hadn’t spontaneously lost all of his limbs, and that the horrible state of his scales wasn’t the result of disease. Ekips hypothesized that Erif had somehow made a dragon angry, and that dragon had ripped off all of his limbs and roasted his scales with his or her fiery breath.
Ekips immediately assumed that Oryps had killed Erif, and he had confronted him about his suspicions when they cuddled together near a fire that Oryps had made in the cave that they shared. Oryps immediately denied killing Erif, and Ekips assumed that he was telling the truth.
“Would you ever kill me?” The question asked by Ekips hung in the air for a few seconds. The eyes of Oryps were closed as he cuddled against the body of his lover, and it took him a few seconds to groggily open his eyes after the question had been asked. Ekips was used to this, Oryps repeatedly saved their colony and the entire planet from villains on a regular basis. As a result, he had very little time to sleep and was prone to dozing off when there wasn’t enough stimulus to keep him awake.
Ekips assumed that his more relaxed demeanor was the main reason why he was chosen as the mate of Oryps, rather than Erif who had been much more excitable. The thought of possibly sharing a cave with Erif, who might constantly pester him for sex, kisses or tales of his daily adventures was off-putting for the heroic dragon who simply wanted to sleep.
“I would never want to kill you, but I might have to,” Oryps murmured to his brother before he closed his eyes. Ekips stared at his lover in shock for a few seconds as he took the time to comprehend what his brother had told him.
Ekips quickly started shaking his brother, who groaned as his eyes remained closed and he started to lightly claw at his brother in a futile effort to get him to stop shaking him so that he could rest.
“Stop it,” Oryps mumbled sleepily, and Ekips growled at his brother. “No, I can’t sleep now. You just told me that you might have to kill me.”
After Ekips had spoken, the eyes of Oryps opened quickly to stare at his brother, who currently appeared to be on the verge of crying. His watery eyes stared at his brother, and his tail wrapped around his body in a way that Oryps assumed was meant to comfort him. Oryps would be lying to himself if he said that he didn’t think that Ekips looked adorable at that moment.
“Is that why you don’t want to mark me as your mate?” Ekips asked his lover, who hesitated before he solemnly nodded his head. Ekips immediately burst into tears and started running towards the entrance to the cave.
“1, 2, 3…” Oryps started counting to himself as soon as he lost sight of Ekips. “...4, 5, 6…” Oryps continued to count.
As soon as Oryps reached the number 21 Ekips returned to the dragon with pink tears running down his face and dripping onto his scales. The pink tears had left a trail on the floor of the cave which indicated where he had ran within the 21 seconds he had been apart from Oryps.
The purple dragon idly thought about the work that he would need to do to cover up the tears that had fallen on the ground. Since they glowed in the dark, he wouldn’t be able to sleep until they were covered up. He would also need to give Ekips a bath to clean the tears from his body, and he debated whether he would bathe him in the river, or clean him with his tongue.
“To answer your question,” Oryps said to his lover, who was currently curled up in a ball in front of him trying desperately to wipe the tears from his face. “Yes, that is the reason why I never marked you as my mate. That, and I don’t think that you’re ready to be marked.”
Upon hearing the words spoken by his lover, Ekips immediately glared at his brother with a look of anger on his face. Oryps continued to look at him calmly, which only seemed to make his brother angrier.
“You don’t think i’m ready, what’s that supposed to mean?” Ekips asked his brother, who smiled as he stood up from the place where he was lying down and stretched. Ekips blushed and looked away from the admittedly sexy dragon as he stretched his body after his nap.
“You’re small, I love you but you need to understand that you’re small and you’re fragile. If I were to mark you, I might kill you,” Oryps said to the smaller dragon as he walked towards him.
Once the large purple dragon was close to his dragon lover, he gently extended his tongue and licked the right cheek of the dragon. Ekips blushed at the contact, and a small smile appeared on the larger purple dragon’s lips at the positive response to his display of affection.
“I’m not a child anymore, I don’t need to be protected,” Ekips said to his lover, who smiled before he placed a gentle kiss on the cheek which he had recently licked.
“You might not need to be protected, but I need to protect you, I couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt you,” Oryps said to his brother, who noticed a tear beginning to form in one of his eyes, which was quickly wiped away with his claw.
“I know that you would never hurt me, and I know that you only want to protect me, just like you protect everyone else,” Ekips said to the larger dragon with a small amount of bitterness in his voice. “But that’s the problem, you protect everyone. I guess I just want you to show me that I mean more to you than everyone else. I mean, you say that we’re mates and you say that you love me, but the only thing you’ve ever done is kiss me. We haven’t had sex, and you’ve never marked me as your mate.”
Ekips words hung in the air, and Oryps took a few minutes to process what his lover had told him. He knew that Ekips was right to feel as though he was owed something special from him as his mate, but he believed that the kisses he bestowed upon him and the shelter that he provided in his cave was enough to show how much he cared. He didn’t care about sex, and cuddling with his lover while he slept was all that he desired in their relationship. It had never occurred to him that Ekips might want more.
However, he still refused to mark the small dragon as his mate, and he was extremely reluctant to engage in any form of sex with the small dragon. He knew how powerful he was, and he knew how weak Ekips was. The size difference between them was a good indicator that something might go wrong if the two dragons ever had sex.
He had considered marking Ekips as his mate in the past, but he realized that the size of his teeth and the strength of his jaw could easily damage the tender skin on his lover’s neck if he wasn’t extremely careful. He wasn’t sure that he could mark his mate without killing him.
“I don’t want to risk your life,” Oryps said to the small dragon. Tears started to form in the eyes of the small dragon as he stood up.
“Fine,” Ekips said as he turned his back away from his lover. “I guess you don’t love me.”
Ekips quickly ran away from the large purple dragon, and Oryps sighed as he sat down on the ground.
“1, 2, 3…” Oryps started to count in his head, his eyes started to feel heavy.
“4, 5, 6…” Oryps continued to count, yawning a little as he did so.
“7, 8, 9....” Oryps continued to count, but he found it hard to focus on the numbers in his mind when his eyes were so heavy. The temptation existed to simply curl up into a ball and fall asleep.
By the time Ekips appeared in front of Oryps, the large purple dragon was sleeping. Ekips smiled as he leaned in towards the dragon and stroked his face with his claw.
His eyes wandered towards a particularly soft section of the larger dragon’s neck. He smiled as idea appeared in his head, an idea that Oryps might not enjoy, but that he honestly believed was an idea that he would grow to love.
Of course, he also believed that it had been a good idea to steal the jewel of Xnoybis, nd that hadn’t turned out too well.
The dragon carefully extended his long tongue and proceeded to rub it against the soft flesh, tenderizing it. Oryps didn’t open his eyes, yet a content smile appeared on his face as Ekips massaged the area with his tongue.
“I love you Ekips, more than anything,” Oryps whispered in his sleep, and Ekips smiled. He knew that his brother loved him, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t like to be reminded of his love on occasion.
“I love you too,” Ekips whispered to the dragon, before he admired his handiwork on the soft section of his neck. He had no experience or guidance regarding how soft the neck had to be before he could bite down and mark his mate for life, but it seemed as though he had tenderized it enough.
Once he bit into the skin, he would leave a mark that would brand Oryps as his mate for life. The mark would never leave him, and it would be a symbol of their bond for the rest of his life.
With only a brief moment of hesitation, Ekips bit down on the soft skin. The taste of his mate’s flesh filled his mouth, and he made sure to savour the taste of his one true love.
Shortly after he tasted the flesh, a second taste appeared in his mouth that he didn’t expect to taste, blood.
Ekips recoiled in horror as blood gushed out of the neck of his lover. Oryps opened his eyes when he heard the sound of Ekips screaming and smiled at the small dragon. The smile faded once he saw the blood on his mate.
“Are you hurt?” Oryps asked Ekips. The colour had drained from the face of the little dragon, who stared at the large purple dragon with a look of terror on his face. It was at this moment that Oryps felt a sharp pain in his neck, he rubbed his claw against the spot where he felt the pain and brought his claw to his line of sight. Once he saw the blood, he guessed what had happened.
“Oh Ekips, what have you done?” Oryps whispered to his brother, who whimpered in front of him.
“I’m sorry,” Ekips said to the bleeding dragon, who shook his head as he closed his eyes.
“I can’t get mad at you,” Oryps whispered to the dragon in front of him. “I love you more than anything and anyone in the world.”
“You can’t die!” Ekips yelled at the dragon as he ran towards him and hugged him. “I still need you to protect me, you have to protect me,” Ekips whimpered as he hugged the dragon, who smiled.
“I love you,” Oryps whispered to the small dragon. His breathing stopped, and Ekips started to shake his body.
“You can’t be gone, please don’t be gone,” Ekips whispered as his tears fell to the ground and mixed with the blood of his former lover.
Chapter 5: The Final Chapter
“W-well, what d-do you t-t-think of the story s-s-so far?” Ekips asked his brother, who shook his head as he lay on his bed on the opposite of the room. The two brothers had shared a room together since they were eight years old, and now they were 16.
“I get why you made us dragons, I mean, we will be dragons after we have enough money for the surgery,” Oryps said to his brother with a smile on his face that was returned with a smile from his brother. A full year of working at a fast food restaurant had given them almost enough money to afford the transformative surgery they would need to transform themselves into the dragons they felt they were inside.
“But, why did you kill me in the story?” Oryps asked his brother, who seemed to squirm nervously in his bed after he heard his brother’s question.
“Well, I-I, I don’t know.” Ekips murmured to his brother, who smiled at him from the other side of the room. His brother loved him, and he loved his brother just as much. They had been in a romantic relationship with each other for at least a year. Not that their parents were aware of their relationship, they just assumed that they were siblings who got along well with each other.
“I know that you don’t like Erif, but why did you kill him in the story? I mean, I only went on a couple of dates with him in middle school,’ Oryps said to his brother, who shook slightly as the memories of Oryps holding hands with Erif as he walked through the halls of the school appeared in his mind. He admitted that Erif was a nice guy, but jealousy blinded him to his positive qualities.
“W-w-well, I-I-I guess I just…” Ekips was silenced when a hand covered his mouth and his brother stood over him, smiling. He slowly released his hand to reveal the smiling mouth of Ekips.
“Your stutter turns me on,” Oryps whispered to the boy who would eventually become a dragon. “Kiss me.”
Ekips wasted no time, and he gleefully eliminated the gap that existed between their lips, savouring the taste of his brother.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Otherkin’s are people do, they just identify as non-human.
A popular image of Otherkin persecution that appeared and spread online is the phrase ‘Fuck you, i’m a dragon,” which was written by an Otherkin after people refused to listen to his point of view and accept his belief that although he was born a human, he identifies as a dragon. This seems similar to the persecution that existed in the 1950s when men who identified as women were first starting to gain mainstream exposure in our society. A brilliant movie like ‘Glen or Glenda’ that was mocked in the 1950s for dealing with transgender issues is now celebrated today for it’s courage, along with it’s creator, Ed Wood, who is now considered to be one of the most notorious filmmakers of all time.
Modern day witch hunts have been created through the Internet culture with the intent of persecuting these brave individuals who do not identify as humans. In time, these people will look as silly as the people who were aggressively against transgendered people and crossdressers as society becomes more progressive and technology improves so that these people can become who they feel they are on the inside. The idea of a person transforming their body into that of a dragon seems silly now, but in the future it may become a completely normal thing. Replacing skin with scales could become the equivalent of transforming a penis into a vagina, surgically implanting wings in your back could be the equivalent of having woman’s breasts implanted on a man’s chest.
“Fuck you, he’s a dragon,” may become a phrase used by the common man in the future to defend Otherkins who have been accepted by mainstream society against the ignorant people who refuse to update their beliefs so that they correlate with modern progressive attitudes. The slurs that people have been using to describe Otherkins will be viewed the same way that the word Nigger is viewed in our society now, or the slur Jap is viewed. Otherkins will be a common thing, and people will realize how silly they’ve been to mock them.
Is it really a crazy thought that someone was born in the body of a human, but identifies as a dragon? If it seems like a silly thought to you, then you aren’t a truly progressive-minded person and you should be ashamed of yourself. If you hate Otherkins, then you must hate transgendered people too, and as you can tell by looking at popular opinion online, not being progressive in our modern society is a terrible thing to be, and the Internet will rain fire on you if you make your obsolete beliefs known to the world.